Tony Deyal | Boonie and the 53 beers

About 15 years ago, there was a big fundraising function for Courtney Walsh in Jamaica. Fortunately, it was not a 'singles' event. Had it been, Chris Gayle and Marlon Samuels would not have attended because even then they had serious problem with singles and avoided them wherever possible. Worse, telling them to rotate the strike was interpreted as turning the bat around in their hands so that the ball came off the back instead of the face.

Actually, these were not just my views. Just before the event, a disgruntled cricket fanatic called me from Kingston. He said that the only bright spot was the assertion by Ricky Ponting, the Australian captain, that his team attended the Courtney Walsh event to see for themselves that Walsh had really retired from the game. Now, the big game-changer is not a Walsh or Merv Hughes, a Viv Richards or Ponting, it is tampering with a ball to get it to reverse-swing.

What Ponting and his men did, and said, was a great gesture by a team, and a people, whose reputation is built on tough, dour, uncompromising stubbornness and a love for beer. There was a rumour that David (Boonie) Boon, the Tasmanian cricketer (now a match referee) who became one of Australia's best-known and best-loved cricketers, drank an astonishing 47 beers on a flight between England and Australia.

Merv Hughes, former Australian fast bowler, and Steve Waugh's favourite animal, denied that the Boon report was true. "Where did you get that story from?" Hughes demanded of Jim White of the British paper, The Guardian. "That's an absolute fabrication of the truth," he said stridently. "It was 53 cans."

The love of beer

This love of beer is what has prompted the Aussie riddle, "What's the difference between Aussies and pigs?" Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they're drunk. Aussies, however, are credited with something called 'The Beer Prayer'. It goes like this, "Our Lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink, Thy will be drunk, At home as if in tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer, the bitter, the lager, For ever and ever, Barmen."

This is partly why Australian cricket fans, over many years and tours, including the present one, were the butt of some harsh jokes by the South Africans. One example is the story of an Australian cricket fan who, on hearing about the ball tampering and suspension of the captain and vice-captain, succumbed to a heart attack. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, he met St Peter, who asked him why he thought he deserved to enter Heaven.

"Well," the Aussie said, "three weeks ago, I gave $10 to a charity for the disabled!" St Peter frowned and requested, "What else?"

"Two weeks ago, I gave $10 to the homeless shelter!" the Aussie continued.

"What else?" demanded St Peter.

"A week ago, I gave $10 to the orphanage!" the Aussie fan responded. St Peter then told the Aussie to wait for a minute, he would be right back. About five minutes later, he returned and said, "I have discussed your case with the Boss and he agrees with me. Here's your $30, now go to Hell!"

Because Australia was first settled by convicts from England who were the original POHMs (Prisoners Of Her Majesty), people still make jokes about the antecedents of Australians. A visitor was once stopped by an immigration officer as he was entering the Sydney International Airport. "Do you have a criminal record?" the officer asked. The visitor replied, "I didn't know you still needed one."

Some people see their criminal antecedents as a virtue and believe that the 'sledging' in which Australian cricketers indulge, their false claims for catches or stumpings, and their poor sportsmanship are part of that heritage which not only survived, but has thrived over the years.

Merv Hughes tried to justify it. He commented: "I liked to offer advice on the way the game should be played. It was business, not personal. The people who took it personal tended not to cope so well. Verbal intimidation, we call it, and it is without doubt deliberate.

"I most enjoyed it with the blokes who gave a bit back. Robin Smith, Michael Atherton, he wasn't the little angel everyone thinks he is. The Australian attitude to trash talking is what's said on the ground stays on the ground, and let's get off at 6 o'clock and have a beer."

Ugly pictures

Clearly, as the ugly pictures many years ago of McGrath and Sarwan showed, and the most recent between Warner and de Kock, as well as Smith and Rabada demonstrate, many of the present crop don't like people who give a bit back or more. This is why they wanted not just to beat the South Africans but to humiliate them.

Smith did not like the fact that Rabada was not suspended. Warner believed that de Kock should not have said anything about his wife. They had axes to grind and a willing tool in newcomer Bancroft to do the dirty work.

The major reason most of us condemn the Australian habit of sledging and their belief that winning is not everything, it is the only thing, is that we think they don't need to do it. They are much too talented a team, and even at their worst, can beat or hold their own against all the other major cricket teams in the world. While other teams may have the talent, they lack the environment, support, techniques and mastery of the fundamentals that the Aussies have.

Today's West Indies cricketers have problems beating Scotland and may not have won if the umpiring was better or the technology was used. I'm not sure how my old friend, Mr O'Connor, a die-hard West Indies cricket fan, would have dealt with the present problems in world and West Indies cricket. He always had the perfect explanation whenever the West Indies lost a game or a series.

When, in the old days, we crouched shivering late at night around a Pye, Grundig, or Phillips radio, listening to the crackling cricket commentary from Australia, Mr O'Connor never lost faith even as we lost matches. His explanation was brilliantly simple. He said that in Australia, the boys had to play cricket in the night, something to which they were not accustomed in the West Indies.

He insisted, "Dem Aussies too advantageous," he would complain. "They hide Meckiff in Australia because he does pelt (chuck). Now they put we to play in the night. If they play cricket in the day in Australia, we will beat them for sure." I wonder what he would say today? Perhaps, like me, he would say nothing. Just grin and beer it.

- Tony Deyal was last seen saying that the Australian sledging and cheating make him feel like an insane kangaroo. He becomes hopping mad.