Tony Deyal | Now, that’s insulting!

Many years ago, in its ‘Comments’ section, Britain's Guardian Weekly newspaper highlighted a name-calling incident between the Norwegian Environment Minister and his British counterpart.

Headlined ‘Norse laugh for parliamentarians’, it reported that the Norwegian had called the Briton the biggest ‘drittsekk’ he had ever encountered. The word ‘drittsekk’ originally meant a ‘belly’ and now means ‘a person one views with distaste’ – essentially, (to put it mildly) a ‘bag of manure’.

The Guardian article pointed out that Norwegian is rich in words that sound like insults but aren't – words like ‘blyantspisser’, which means nothing more offensive than ‘pencil-sharpener’.

It also explored other political insults and their acceptability. For instance, one can describe an opponent as a ‘scumbag’ in Manitoba, Canada, but not in neighbouring Alberta.

In New South Wales, Australia, the statement "In any event, it takes a d...head to know a d...head and he is the biggest d...head in the House" was allowed but “He is the biggest nong in the place” was not.

A British Labour MP, Tony Banks, commented on the provocatively named Tory MP, Terry Dicks, “The honourable member is living proof that a pig’s bladder on a stick can be elected to Parliament.”

REFINED, HONED AND POLISHED TO A MIRROR-LIKE FINISH

While former Trinidad Prime Minister, Basdeo Panday, thought that a question asked by a journalist about a questionable “deal” was insulting, the art of political insults has been refined, honed and polished to a mirror-like finish by the British. David Lloyd George, British Liberal Prime Minister, once said of an opponent, "He has sat so long upon the fence that the iron has entered his soul."

He also maintained that when Herbert Samuel (another opponent) was circumcised, "they threw away the wrong bit".

However, the famous British Economist, John Maynard Keynes, said of George, "when he's alone in a room there's nobody there". And Baroness Asquith said, "He can't see a belt without hitting below it".

Australian Prime Minister, Paul Keating, who held the post between 1991 and 1996, described an opponent, John Hewson, as “like a shiver waiting for a spine to run up”. Keating had it in for the Opposition Leader, Andrew Peacock, who had led his party to two defeats. Having described Peacock as “A painted, perfumed gigolo”, he said, “The Liberal Party of Australia ought to put him down like a faithful old dog because he is of no use to it and of no use to the nation.” But his most biting Peacock insult was, “A souffle doesn’t rise twice”.

In the golden days of Parliamentary cut-and-thrust, former Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli once said of his arch-enemy William Gladstone, who served 12 years as prime minister, that "he has not a single redeeming defect" and that "a misfortune is if Gladstone fell into the Thames, a calamity would be if someone pulled him out".

Margaret Thatcher was not spared. John Aitken, who was a member of her Conservative Party, commenting on Thatcher’s knowledge of Middle East Affairs, quipped, “She probably thinks ‘Sinai’ is the plural of ‘sinus’.”

Other comments on Thatcher were, “Plans have begun for Margaret Thatcher's state funeral. It will be the first time ever the 21-gun salute is fired into the coffin,” and “I used to have a picture of Maggie Thatcher pinned up on my wall back in the 80s, she was always a great influence for me. In fact, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be the World Champion darts player I am today.”

However, long before her death, Thatcher had the last word, “If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.”

CHURCHILL WAS THE MASTER

Winston Churchill was the master of them all. When told that he was drunk by Member of Parliament, Bessie Braddock, he replied, "And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."

When one of his party, Air Vice Marshal Donald Bennett, joined the Liberals, Churchill declared, "It is the first time that I have heard of a rat actually swimming out to join a sinking ship."

Churchill described his opponent Clement Atlee as "a sheep in sheep's clothing" and said, "An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street, and when the door was opened Atlee got out."

Another famous Churchillian put down was of Sir Stafford Cripps (about whom Baroness Asquith had said, "He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up."), "There but for the grace of God, goes God."

Talking about the famous victor of the battle of El Alamein, Field Marshall Montgomery, Churchill said, "In defeat unbeatable; in victory unbearable."

It was not all give for Churchill. He was on the receiving end of Liberal Politician, F.E. Smith's comment that, "Winston has devoted the best years of his life to preparing his impromptu speeches."

Smith was also not immune from insults. He was taunting Lord Hewart, British writer, about the size of his stomach and asking, "What's it to be – a boy or a girl?" Hewart said, "If it's a boy, I'll call it John. If it's a girl, I'll call it Mary. But if, as I suspect, it's only wind, I’ll call it F.E. Smith."

We in the Caribbean are not in that league. We are into name-calling and blame-sharing. With elections coming around in a few of our countries, we will experience what Conservative British Politician, William Whitelaw, accused the Labour Prime Minister, Harold Wilson, of doing - "going round the country stirring up apathy".

Wilson, famous for his comment that “a week is a long time in politics”, was elegant. Speaking about internal party politics, he said, “This Party needs to protect itself against the activities of small groups of inflexible political persuasion, extreme so-called left and in a few cases extreme so-called moderates, having in common only their arrogant dogmatism.”

His comment on British politician, writer and diarist, Tony Benn was, “I have always said about Tony that he immatures with age”. Now, that’s insulting!

 

- Tony Deyal was last seen quoting Churchill’s comment on Stanley Baldwin, “He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.” Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com