SSP Diaries | Consider those alive when burying the dead

SHE LIVED a full and rewarding life, dying at 98 years old. Not many live to that age, not even when the figures are reversed! Her community turned out in huge numbers to pay their last respects, as was expected, and, in our local term, she got ‘a good send-off’.

Miss Irene was a product of the ‘old school’, a teacher by profession, a strict disciplinarian and a god-fearing woman, if ever there was one. Her life was devoted to teaching, family and whatever work the church required her to do. Everybody in her community knew her, as did many others from communities where she worked as an evangelist, winning souls for the church, forming new churches, counselling, feeding the poor and needy, and raising her own children, plus those of her environment. Attending her funeral was mandatory on my part, as I had so much respect and love for this giant of a woman and her accomplishments in life. I did so last Sunday and it was an experience that I will never forget.

The programme started promptly at 10 a.m. with the viewing of the body. This ended promptly at 11 a.m. and the service commenced. I noticed that the programme indicated approximately 16 tributes, and some had three to seven people listed, nieces/nephews, grandchildren, for example. I didn’t think much of it until people started to deliver their preparations. The pastor made it clear that each person had three minutes. That seemed not to phase anyone, nor was there any attempt to get conformity. After the fourth tribute, the repetitiveness was obvious and I started losing my focus, as did many others. To make matters worse, those ‘serials’ with multiple people had everyone in the group delivering their own tribute! It would have been a much more desirable situation if one person spoke while the others provided ‘support’ by standing reverently in their positions. By the time the tributes ended, we were in the church for approximately fours hours! It was a hot day, the fans in the building strained to keep people cool, as there was very little breeze.

With all this, there was still the homily to come, and one could be assured that the pastor, having observed a huge congregation in the beginning, would be delivering a sermon nothing short of an hour. True to form that was the case, however, he was so fired up that he failed to realise that, shortly after the third hour of the proceedings, he had begun to lose his congregation. People, sadly, had reached the limit of their endurance.

POSSIBLE HEALTH CONSIDERATIONS

Although I had previous experiences of long funerals, this one pans out at about the second longest I have ever attended. I suffered in the longest one because I had a role to play in the proceedings. In this one, I was merely a family friend paying their last respects to a great lady. I made the sound decision to leave the church and listen to the remainder of the service, in the comfort of my car, after 4 ½ hrs. In a previous article, I had asked that the presiding priests be more considerate of their congregation in these circumstances. Nothing has changed. In fact, things seem to have gone further in the wrong direction. It is my belief that families need to be more considerate of those that are alive when burying their dead. In a tribute, one can say so much and no more. It detracts from the memory of the life of a person when everyone keeps on repeating the same things. Human beings are only able to focus fully on these matters for approximately an hour, after which one begins to feel that they are being punished.

We must consider also that there are likely to be several people attending such a funeral that will be, at the very least, classified as senior citizens. They come with all sorts of conditions, most of which will not allow them to be comfortable in a church environment, on a very hot day, for such a long period. Indeed, they were the first to start attrition. It doesn’t matter how well organised the flow of tributes are, and they were very much so, the failure to adhere to the time allotted to each and the deliveries by each member of groups served only to severely reduce an individual’s patience and raise possible health considerations for senior citizens. True to form, there were very few young people left in the church by the time the service had ended.

It may seem harsh, but I believe that the Church must start taking this matter seriously. The Bible does say ‘let the dead bury the dead’, it does not speak to people being brought close to death or dying because of attending funerals. There is also a responsibility here for the family of the deceased. They should consider the well-being of those paying their last respects, those that are alive. This act should be one to be remembered as we celebrate a life well spent, one from which we all benefitted. Miss Irene did not stand much on ceremony but received one, in death, that she had no control over. The fact that she lived a full and rewarding life and was well loved is indisputable. Notwithstanding my experience, may she rest in eternal peace. Sadly, I am one of those seniors that had to take a pass on the interment.

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