Kristen Gyles | The Christian response to suicide

People are still mourning the loss of Tyra Spaulding, a 26-year-old former Miss Universe Jamaica contestant who is suspected to have committed suicide in her home. Tyra’s case is a very chilling one, particularly because she documented much of her mental health struggle in the weeks leading up to her death. Tyra had a YouTube channel and a TikTok account to which she posted periodic updates about her state of mind at various points in time.

She was struggling. In her own words, she was fighting for her life. In one video she explained that at one point she hadn’t showered in days, didn’t want to eat and would wake up loathing the thought of a new day. She also seemed unsure about how much longer she would be around given the bombardment of suicidal thoughts. She said she felt as though her mind was trying to kill her and that she had thoughts of taking her life in various ways.

Her death teaches us many lessons about the importance of mental health and how we support each other. Since Tyra’s passing, many have been asking how those around her could have missed all the signs that she was struggling with mental issues. There is no reason to assume that her family and friends were unaware of her struggles or that they were not actively trying to help in the ways they knew how. Sadly, many suicide victims succumb to their challenges despite extensive support from loved ones.

ASK OURSELVES

However, Tyra’s case forces each of us to ask ourselves how much our family members and friends would tell us, if they were struggling with their mental health. Many of us really do not know how to relate to those who struggle with their mental health or with suicidal thoughts. We know that we do not know what to say and therefore avoid the conversations we think we are not equipped to handle. This is a very valid way to feel.

Even if we do not know what to say, we can always offer to pray for them and with them. They may or may not accept it and their wishes should be respected. Regardless, people who say they are struggling with suicidal thoughts should always be referred to a mental health professional.

What struck me, in observing the varied responses to Tyra’s death, is that while we talk a lot about supporting people who struggle with suicidal ideation, what we discuss much less is how we can support the family and friends of those who take their lives.

Christian theology definitely shapes the way many Jamaicans respond to news of suicide deaths. Some have used Tyra’s passing as an opportunity to offload their theological opinions about suicide. Some have opined that suicide is selfish and that those who commit suicide only think about themselves, how they feel and not the people who need them. And of course, some others thought it was appropriate to make comments about her eternal destiny as someone who they say is now “eternally separated from God”.

For context, across Christianity, suicide is typically discouraged. In the Roman Catholic Church for example, it was once regarded as a mortal sin until a few decades ago when the Church removed it from the list of mortal sins. Other churches, which may not be as prescriptive, frown upon the act of suicide, because they classify suicide as a breach of the commandment against murder. These may be important discussions within a church setting but have little relevance or use to a grieving family mourning the death of relative who has taken their life.

GRIEVING HER LOSS

Tyra leaves behind family members and friends who are grieving her loss. Discussions about hell and heaven do not really help them at this time. Some Christians will be all too eager to say they are bound to speak the truth that a dying and sinful world needs to hear. But, one wonders, how does a pronouncement that suicide victims are hell-bound help anyone who is grieving the loss of a family member or a friend? Surely, these criticisms about suicide are not intended to dissuade the suicide victim who is obviously no longer around to hear them. So, who are the criticisms for and who do they help?

Further, it is unfortunate that a family of grieving relatives who are already struggling to grasp the reality of their relative’s passing, must also navigate a public space of people who insist on making pronouncements on their dead loved one. Why do people feel so emboldened to speak on behalf of God Himself, when they have been given no message to preach?

No one, whether Christian or not, should position himself or herself as judge over anyone else’s life to determine their fate after death. It is okay to have opinions about what God approves of but there is such a thing as a bad time to share an opinion. The Christian response to suicide is not condemnation of the deceased whose final moments we know nothing about. Instead, a little empathy goes a far way in moments of grief and where that is too much, silence is next best.

Kristen Gyles is a free-thinking public affairs opinionator. Send feedback to kristengyles@gmail.com and columns@gleanerjm.com