Gordon Robinson | It’s obvious!

I couldn’t suppress a chuckle when I learned that both political parties cancelled their annual conferences.

According to Party spokespersons the cancellations happened because they were concentrating on relief work post Melissa.

Right….

It took me back to my domino playing days when Gene Autry and I regularly sat around the table with The Beast waiting for a fourth. Often none would show up and Gene and I ended up driving around trying to drum up players.

You see, there were no cell phones and parents only allowed us to use the phone for serious matters like calling a doctor. Sometimes Haemorrhoid would pass by but he wasn’t a player. He thought a domino was a bird that stood on one leg. He called the game “Domingoes.”

Remember Ernest H. Flower, the lazy Articled Clerk who got his nickname from his middle initial and perennial complaint about “piles and piles” of files on his desk? So one summer Saturday, The Beast, Gene Autry and I were waiting and hoping when Haemorrhoid arrived and immediately filled the void with one of his Shaggy Dog Tales.

Before you begin, remember Haemorrhoid’s Shaggy Dog Tales were always very shaggy in other words too long, too detailed and anticlimactic.

Once upon a time there was a nun called Sister Obvious. She was called “Sister Obvious” as she was very logical and had a solution for most things.

One day, Sister Obvious and a fellow nun (let’s call her Sister Mary) was walking home from the market when Mary said “Sister, I think there’s a man following us. What should we do?”

Sister Obvious looked over her shoulder and said “Well, obviously, we’ll walk faster. Then we’ll see if he’s really following us.” And they did. They stopped at a fork in the road to see if the man was still there. He was.

“Oh Sister Obvious what should we do now?” Sister Mary cried in distress.

“Obviously we’ll split up. He can’t follow both of us” Sister Obvious said. So they split up. Sister Mary headed for the convent and Sister Obvious went the other way.

After hearing Mary’s story, the whole convent anxiously awaited Sister Obvious’s return. Later on, she did appear, looking like nothing happened.

“How did it go?” asked the nuns. “Well, obviously, he caught up to me” she replied. “Then what happened?” asked the nuns.

“Well, obviously, he dropped his pants” Sister Obvious said.

“Oh goodness what happened then?” the nuns gasped. “Well, obviously. I raised my skirt” said Sister Obvious.

The nuns were in hysterics, some praying, some fainting and several covering their ears. “Oh dear God in heaven what happened next?” cried the nuns.

Sister Obvious sighed and said “Oh for goodness sake ladies isn’t it obvious? A nun with her skirts up will run a lot faster than a man with his pants around his knees!”

Haemorrhoid then guffawed loudly, as was his habit (no nun pun intended), and advised us it was obvious to him the game would have to be cancelled for the same reason Kleptomaniacs Anonymous cancelled its last conference.

When invited to take a seat, everybody did!

So I chortled when I heard political party representatives acting all holier than each other with their public reasons for cancelling this year’s Party Conferences. It was first reported by Nationwide “PNP general secretary says the party will instead focus on relief efforts in the aftermath of Hurricane Melissa.”

Mere hours later, Gleaner online reported:

“The Standing Committee of the ruling Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) has decided to cancel the party’s annual conference in the aftermath of Hurricane Melissa. The JLP’s Communication Taskforce Chairman says the decision is intended to ensure that all of the party’s energies remain focused on assisting Jamaicans to recover from the impact of the hurricane.”

But it’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that the real reason these conferences are being cancelled is that high attendance is unlikely. Melissa has ruthlessly exposed yet another Jamaican political inanity. The annual circus where participants are packed into buses and transported across the Island to Kingston for political merriment is now seen, like the Emperor, to be naked nonsense. NOW that it can be contrasted with the desperation of supporters from Clarendon westward and around Negril Point all the way to St. Ann, it’s suddenly not necessary. As legend Jimmy Cliff commented in 1969 ( Sufferin’ in the Land)

It is plain to see we’re in a terrible situation.

Sufferin’ in the land!

Nearly half of the world on the verge of starvation.

Sufferin’ in the land!

And the children are crying for more education.

Sufferin’ in the land!

Furthermore, it’s obvious that, like invitees to erectile dysfunction support group conferences that usually end up cancelled, nobody can come.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com