Former ward of state urges others to turn lemons into lemonade

Patricia Smith’s journey is one of resilience, perseverance and triumph over adversities. Once a child in state care in Jamaica, she overcame all odds to carve out a path to success, becoming a thriving business owner, locally and abroad.

Yet, the pain of her past lingers as she stood before an audience on Monday, sharing her story at the book launch of her biography, I Persist, at the Edward Seaga Suite at Devon House in St Andrew.

Writing her memoir was not easy. Patricia found herself wanting to quit many times.

“It was waking up so many emotions that I did not care to remember,” she recalled.

It was Hector Ricketts, her board chairman, who first proposed the idea and believed in her story’s inspiring power, insisting, “There is glory in your story.”

“I didn’t want to write a book,” she admitted. “Who wants to hear another story anyway? A story of abandonment is so common in Caribbean culture.”

But, Ricketts stood behind her and encouraged her, reminding her that her story could inspire many, including children in Jamaica who are in state care, just like she was.

The book speaks about the trials and tribulation Smith endured during childhood as she grew under the guardianship of her grandaunt, who often verbally abused and neglected her. This biography is a coming-up testimony, travelling through Smith’s lifetime, moving back and forth between her childhood in Spanish Town and Clarendon then eventually, New York.

Smith never experienced the luxury of a loving family. Her life was shaped by rejection and hardship.

“I don’t even know my name,” she says. “I don’t have the last name of my mother or my father.”

Raised in a child protection institution, she recalls a time when children like her were treated poorly with little access to education. The school she attended was unstructured, where she was stuck in a classroom with 50 other students.

“They locked us in one classroom. No education. No resources … . We were all just there like we were left to die,” she said.

STRUGGLES IN PROFESSIONAL LIFE

Despite acquiring heights of education, Smith still struggled to keep a job. She reflected on times when she felt discouraged and lonely, especially during holidays when she was often reminded of the family she never had. That feeling of dejection spread to her professional life, where she sometimes struggled to gain the willpower to show up for work.

“I kept thinking I would be an educated bum,” she confessed, “I would work just enough to get by, then quit or disappear.”

Starting a business was not a quest for wealth, Smith says. In fact, it was for her survival.

“I started my business to give me freedom and flexibility,” she says. “I wasn’t being productive, so I figured I could do something from home.”

What she didn’t expect was the immense success she would gain. Now, she runs a licensed healthcare business, Sweet P Home Care, in the United States and a hotel in Negril. She describes herself as “militant” and “vigilant”, a near perfectionist.

“I was made for business,” she declares. “I don’t leave things to my managing director or my board chairman. I’m on top of my game.”

Even though her business continues to grow, the hard feelings she carries continues to weigh her down. When asked if her book has assisted with her healing experience, Smith paused, sighing.

“I honestly cannot say I’ve healed,” she said. “I learned, over the years, how to manage my emotions. I know what pushes my buttons and I know when I need to stay away from the things that irritate me and avoid that.”

One of the most emotional moments, she recalls, was when she visited a local child protection facility, where she saw many children just like her. One in particular, an 11-year-old boy, stood and asked her in desperation, “Miss, how did you get out?”

In that moment, as his question resonated with her, Smith says she saw herself in him.

“He was just like me. That kid just wanted to get out,” she says.

EFFORTS TO RECONNECT WITH FAMILY

Smith also remembers the efforts she made to reconnect with her biological family, but she was met with indifference from her mother.

“She asked me, ‘Can I touch you?’” she recalls. “I’ve never touched you before since you were born.”

Even her father remained distant, only coming around sporadically to play dress up, subjecting Smith to wear fancy dresses and sitting still like a porcelain doll, at the age of six.

Smith said the most vivid memory she carried was that her father was always emotionally unavailable. Although physically present, he seemed to always be at arm’s length.

“He would never hug or cuddle me. He would come around and not stay that long. He wouldn’t show any affection.”

She said he just faded off into the distance as time persisted.

Still, amid the loneliness, she has found solace in her granddaughter.

“She looks just like me,” Smith says, smiling. “She understands me. She knows when I want to be alone. Out of all my grandchildren, she’s the one who really gets me.”

Meanwhile, growing up in Spanish Town, St Catherine, Smith recalls a time during her childhood, at 10 years old, when it was a safer and more vibrant place.

“In those days, it was great because, you know, you could walk anywhere. The crime wasn’t so bad like it is now. You could walk to the movies, walk to the market, walk almost anywhere, walk to parties,” she recalls.

However, she said the community felt different as she strolled down the streets during a recent visit.

Smith first went to the United States at age 17, but made frequent visits to Jamaica.

By 18, she had hit a major milestone in her life – her high school graduation. However, the feeling of accomplishment, or lack thereof, was the opposite of what she felt.

“It was the saddest day of my life. I was like, what is next? What am I going to do now? Where do I go from here?” She questioned herself, worrying that there was no plan in place for her next step.

Although her success story speaks for itself in that regard, Smith says she once again isn’t sure what will come next for her as an author since she has no plans of releasing another book any time soon. She expressed that one topic of interest she wants is to write about is her journey as a self-made businesswoman, carrying on her rapport of inspiring Jamaicans to believe in themselves.

Her advice to those struggling with their own hardships is simple: “They served me lemons, and I made lemonade.”

Though she still battles the emotional toll of her past – continuing therapy to this day – Smith remains steadfast in her mission to inspire others.

“This book can and will encourage people who are feeling as if they can’t make it because they’ve had so many obstacles, so many challenges in life,” she says. “But if they read my story, they’ll see it’s possible.”

Her story is not just one of survival – it’s one of triumph, resilience, and hope for those who, like her and that young boy in Spanish Town, are desperately seeking a way out.

mickalia.kington@gleanerjm.com