Wed | Jun 23, 2021

Doc's advice: Was my girlfriend a virgin when we had sex?

Published:Wednesday | July 29, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q. Sir, I am a student and I had sex with my girlfriend two times. But she had no bleeding afterwards.

However, she told me that she did not ‘sex’ with anyone before me. Also, she told me that had never used any kind of sex toy, or done ‘fingering,’ etc.

So what is the reason behind the fact that she did not bleed when we had sex?

Also, please tell me how I can check personally that she was a virgin. I mean: what is the way of knowing that she had not sexed with anyone before me?

A. Well, I am a little puzzled by what seems to me to be your remarkable interest in whether your girlfriend was a virgin before you had sex with her.

Is there something in your family background or culture which makes you feel that this girl has to have been a virgin before you met her?

You are puzzled by the fact that she didn’t bleed when you put your penis inside her. But what you have not realised is that many young women do not lose blood when they first have sex.

One thing is certain: this young lady is no longer a virgin, probably thanks to you. This means that no one (not even a gyno) could now detect whether she was a virgin when you first penetrated her.

My advice: instead of fretting about whether she was a virgin or not, please take great care that you do not impregnate her. Is either of you using any contraception?

Q. Doc, I am a girl of 17, and I am very definitely a virgin! But last night, I somehow got a drop of sperm on my left forearm.

Is there any chance that this has given me VD?

A. Seminal fluid can -- and often does – carry sexually-transmitted infections (STIs). But in order to infect you, the ‘man-fluid’ would have to get inside your body – for instance, in your vagina.  

So there is virtually no chance that this drop of semen on your skin could have infected you with anything.

However, please take care! Sounds like you are dangerously near to having full sex. If you decide to take that step, you must make sure that you protect yourself against infection – and against pregnancy.

Q. Hi, Is it possible to get a drug or injection that someone can take, so that the person will not be able to have sex for four to six months?

A. No, that is quite impossible.

I am fascinated by your question, because I wonder why anyone would want to get hold of a medication that takes away the ability to have sex.

Did you want this for yourself? Or for a partner? If you wish to email me again, giving fuller details of your problem, I will try to help you sort things out.

Q. I am 19, and am about to start on the Pill. Are there are serious side-effects to watch out for, Doc?

A. Serious side-effects are rare at your age. However, if you got any of the following symptoms, you should stop taking the Pill, and see a doctor urgently:
• Pain and swelling in the calf of the leg;
• Sudden chest pain;
• Severe headache;
• Loss of consciousness;
• Paralysis of any part of the body.

Q. Doc, I have just got engaged to a beautiful girl. She is 21, and I am 20. I am pretty sure she loves me. Sex with her is good. But a strange thing has happened.

She has suddenly asked me to accompany her to a poolside sex orgy. Apparently, it is organised by the head of the department for which she works.

I cannot get my brain round this, doctor. What is going on?

A.If this young woman wants you to go to an orgy with her (and presumably participate in it), I cannot believe that she really loves you.

In fact, sex orgies are not very common among young people. They are more often an amusement of bored, middle aged folk. Perhaps your new fiancée is trying to impress her boss by participating in this activity?

Anyway, I do not think you should go to the poolside ‘party.’ And I feel that you should look very closely at your relationship with the young lady, and consider whether you really wish to get married to her. An orgy is no way to start a marriage.

Q. Good day, Doc. Is there a scientific test for homosexuality?  If so, could I get my boyfriend to take it?

I am female, age 20. And I have a long-term boyfriend, who is very sweet. I guess I love him. And ideally, I would like to marry him.

But all of my friends are saying to me: ‘Don’t you realise he is gay?’

Is this possible, Doc? Admittedly, he don’t seem very interested in sex. But when I want him to, he does ‘do it’ with me. So surely he couldn’t be homosexual, could he?

A. I must tell you that quite a few homosexual and bisexual guys do ‘hook up’ with women. Sometimes this is just because they like female company. But sometimes it is because they want to disguise the fact that they are not ‘straight.’

Indeed, there is actually a slang word which is used to describe a woman who is used by a gay guy as a ‘cover’ for his activities. She is called a ‘beard.’ And clearly, your friends think that you are a ‘beard.’

Of course, it is possible that they are telling you this for some foolish reason, like a joke. Or maybe they are jealous of your happiness. But I think you should pay them no mind, and decide for yourself.

The fact that your boyfriend sometimes has sex with you (when you want him to) doesn’t really prove anything either way. To sum up, he could be straight, he could be gay, or he could be bi-sexual.

Unfortunately, there is no scientific test for gayness.  You cannot just take this young man along to your doctor and ask her to arrange a blood check for homosexuality.

My best advice is that you should sit down somewhere quiet with him, and have a full discussion. Ask him to tell you frankly whether he is gay or not. Enquire whether he has any impulses towards men, and whether he has ever had sex with a guy.

This discussion may not resolve the situation, but at least it will be a start. Meantime, please do not rush into any preparations for marriage.

Q. I am a guy of 5 feet 7 inches. How can I do sex for a longer time? Is there a safe spray to delay climax?

A. Well, there are literally thousands of ‘delay sprays’ listed on the Internet. Most of them contain a local anaesthetic. The effect of this is to delay the guy’s orgasm for perhaps a couple of minutes.

The main danger of them is that you might get a ‘sensitivity reaction’ to the anaesthetic. Also, you must wear a condom – so that your lady friend will not be exposed to the local anaesthetic.

Email questions to Doc at and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.