The reality of Father’s Day for some dads
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Father’s Day has passed, but for some, the occasion still raises questions about how well it is truly observed. Limited recognition and few gestures often leave the occasion feeling overlooked rather than honoured. “A lot of men still have their anxiety up around Father's Day because they already feel like they're not going to get anything from their children or family,” social worker Shawna-Kae Burns shared with Lifestyle.
Being a provider and protector comes with significant responsibility, and the pressure often increases when fathers are expected to fully take on paternal roles within the family.
“Being a father can be very hard, especially if they don't fit the role of provider in a particular way. Fathers face monetary and financial pressures, not being able to pick up their children in a car [as] other dads do, or being unable to buy the latest sneakers, slippers or toys that their children request,” she shared.
The issue of presents versus presence also comes into play, raising questions about which holds greater value. Many fathers struggle to maintain meaningful relationships with their children due to not living in the same household. Some are unable to visit as often as they would like, while others feel they cannot show up empty-handed.
Then there is the matter of emotional security. “We already know that the men in our society have a hard time expressing emotions. Mommies are allowed to break down, and the children are allowed to break down, but fathers are expected to be the rock to hold it all together. So that is another pressure that I think fathers feel. And sometimes, they just can’t manage,” Burns said.
There are also groups geared towards providing mental health services for dads, like Fathers Incorporated and Men of God Against Violence and Abuse (MoGAVA).
“You're always going to find a group of men or a group of fathers playing football, cricket, at the gym or even on the corner. And that may genuinely be their outlet, but there can also be spaces for them to talk. Just because a man will let out his frustration on the ball field or sit down in the rum shop or the barber chair and laugh it out, doesn't necessarily mean that they're actually releasing the stress completely. Men need to rally around each other more and have more communal spaces to just talk to each other,” she highlighted
Emotions then spill over into how they relate to their children. While it may be difficult to connect on that level, Burns believes it is important to provide a safe space for your little ones. “From an emotional standpoint, there are ways in which fathers have to do what fathers do. By just being there, being open enough, letting your children know that you are not to be feared, helps, even though it may go against your natural instinct to protect,” she noted, adding, “Sometimes, that looks like communicating or being silent with them. Just provide an open and safe space for your children to come to you.”
Despite the challenges, Burns believes that society has come a long way as far as fathers stepping up to the plate is concerned, “Fathers, especially Jamaican men of this younger generation, are actively engaging in family life these days. And I think it’s because a lot of the men who grew up without their father's presence, or the empty presence where their father was there but not actively involved, have made conscious decisions to change that narrative. We see a lot more fathers being represented at parent- teacher association meetings and at sports days; they're just as active at school events.”
Burns applauds this positive move, and she believes it deserves to be celebrated: “Let’s give these fathers their flowers because they are deserving. And I appreciate that dads are warming up to be feted now. Gone are the days [when] men would say they want nothing. Now, they’re being treated to barbecue and concerts, [and] even brunch.”