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Is my husband cheating?

Published:Tuesday | July 7, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I have been married for more than 10 years now and I would say we have a very good marriage. We have had our days, of course, when there are differences, but being Christians, we have adopted the practice of not allowing the sun to go down on our wrath.

When we just got married, we were both active in church. I noticed, over the years, his attendance has been dwindling, now he only goes on special occasions such as Easter Sunday and watch night service.

In spite of my disappointment in this, I have not allowed it to come between us. I just keep praying that he will, once again, return to the fold. However, I have noticed some changes in my husband which has me worried and I am now wondering if he has someone else.

He is on his phone a lot. Whenever he gets a call, he no longer stays in the room and talks.

I have never seen him fussy about the coordination of his outfits, but now he has become a sharper dresser. He gets off work at 5 p.m. and he normally gets home two hours later. These days, he is coming in about 10 o'clock with the excuse that he was out with the boys.

I have a niggling suspicion that he is involved with another woman. I am itching to confront him about it. Joan, honestly, do you think he is cheating?


Dear H.Y.,

Honestly, I really can't say if he is cheating or not. Some of the signs you have described would arouse any woman's suspicion, but things aren't always what they seem.

The best thing for you to do is have a heart to heart with your husband.

I know right now your emotions are in overdrive, but as hard as it is, try to be calm and bring out your suspicions in a non-confrontational manner. If you come on too aggressive, he just might clam up on you and you will get nowhere.

I do hope, though, you have not been so caught up in church that you have stopped giving him the kind of attention he needs. Maybe it's time to get back to basics, talk to him on his reasons for abandoning his church going. Ask him if there are any issues he would like to discuss regarding your relationship and if he says something negative about your attitude, don't get defensive.

I do hope you two can talk through whatever the problem is.

God bless.


In love with





Dear Joan,

I am trying very hard to deal with a major problem. I am deeply in love with a visiting evangelist at my church. The first time I laid eyes on him, I just felt something click. He is very handsome, he brings the church alive when he preaches and, best of all, I did some checks and found out that he is still single.

Whenever he is the guest preacher at my church, I go home with a different feeling. I must confess, though, that sometimes I just can't concentrate on the message as I spend more of my time fantasising about us being together.

We exchange friendly greetings, but I am afraid to tell him how I feel. I feel in my heart that he is the one for me. I couldn't be feeling this way, and it's the first time I have had this type of reaction about a man.

How do I approach him and tell him about the way I feel?


Dear O.P.,

The best advice I can give you is to take your mind off this man. You are helping to compound your own problem by spending so much of your time fantasising about the evangelist. If there was any spark there, you wouldn't be writing this letter right now. The next time you go to church and he is preaching please pay attention to the message and stop focusing on the messenger. You could be caught up in his charisma and convincing yourself that it is love. Quite frankly, I have a problem seeing through your being 'deeply in love' with him and you don't know a thing about him.

Do not tell him about your feelings, save yourself some embarrassment.

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