Hello Mi Neighbour | Learn to disagree agreeably

Disagreeing agreeably requires tact, empathy, and effective communication and commonsense. And that is commonsense!

If as a Jamaican, you should ever go to a restaurant in Trinidad to have callaloo dish, don’t expect that green leafy vegetable rich in fibre, protein and vitamins that you’re accustomed to back home. But, no fuss. On that island, callaloo also a side dish made with dasheen leaves, coconut milk, okra, pumpkin, and various seasonings. Now you know, if you didn’t.

Without that knowledge, at that restaurant you could have had a big blowup/disagreement over a simple matter: you asked for callaloo, and they gave you vegetable soup. Perspective does make a difference, and it is usually gauged by customs, culture, gender, socialisation, and maturity etc. See how critical these concepts are to how we interact with one another and process information? Let’s not allow our differences, over which we have little or no control, to become a hindrance to how we enjoy the company of one another here!

Listen to this: men and women think/behave differently for a multiplicity of reasons! Studies have shown that because their brains are wired differently, women tend to process and share some information faster than men. On the other hand, because men are more logical and rational, they are not so “quick on the draw” whenever it comes to information sharing. No, they are not hiding anything…!

Ladies, the saying that men have a one-track mind is usually taken out of context. It is not a negative. Men tend to excel better at singular tasks while women are better at juggling a number of tasks at once. This may stem from the primordial male role of the hunter who is fixated on a singular objective while the traditional female role of manager of the home, forced her to juggle many tasks simultaneously. Okay?

Another difference between men and women is that while women are focusing on social situations, men are focusing on problem solving. And by no means should women consider their partners as antisocial. Furthermore, wives, if your husband is dismissing information not directly related to the issue at hand, no disrespect, they are trying to solve the problem and save time. And gentlemen, please go easy on the women, as the “weaker vessel” they tend to be susceptible to emotions which influence their thinking.

Other things to bear in mind as men and women interrelate, is that women tend to feel pain more intensely than men do. Be patient gents. Another male/female difference is that women are better at learning languages, are more attuned to words and sounds and find it easier to express themselves verbally, than men. Suh it set.

Studies have shown that women tend to remember faces, names, objects and events better than men. Also important to note that men are more likely to take risks, while women tend to be more risk averse. The bigger the risk, for the men, the deeper the pleasure derived from that undertaking. Ever heard about men jumping through windows…!

Since people are different based on factors beyond their control, how then do we incorporate those factors over which we have control, into our interactions to save the headache, occasioned by our differences?

· We must keep your emotions in check and respond thoughtfully.

· Choose words that convey respect, even when disagreeing.

· Address the topic at hand, rather than attacking the person.

· Express your thoughts and feelings, listen carefully to the other person’s perspective and seek to understand their viewpoint.

· Work towards finding a compromise.

· Use phrases like “I see it differently” or “here’s another perspective”.

Whenever we learn to disagree agreeably, every disagreement can become a source of enjoyment. Agreed? Won’t hold it against if in disagreement. Do, enjoy your day.

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To help, please call Silton Townsend @ 876 649-9636 or deposit in acct #351 044 276 NCB. Alternatively, send donations to Hello Neighbour C/o 53 Half-Way Tree Road, Kingston 10; Paypal/credit card: email: zicron22@yahoo.com. Contact email: helloneighbour@yahoo.com. Visit hellomineighbourja.blogspot.com. Townsend exclusively manages the collections and distributions mentioned in this column and is neither an employee nor agent of The Gleaner.