Single mom turns grief and guilt into guide for others

A day before her first Mother’s Day — a milestone once imagined through the soft lens of joy, fulfilment, and new beginnings — Chris-Ann Palmer, instead, found herself confronting an altogether different reality: single motherhood shaped by heartbreak, uncertainty, and emotional exhaustion.

“It was as if time stood still. I forgot how to breathe, and I felt completely exhausted,” Palmer told The Gleaner.

“I remember I had one of those nights where the baby refused to sleep. It was the last thing I needed. I wasn’t in the mood or the frame of mind to handle that weight, especially when that reality stems from betrayal.”

That deeply personal chapter would later inspire her book, Birthing a Winning Mindset: A Single Mom's Guide to Handling Shame, Guilt and Loneliness.

The title itself carries a layered metaphor, with the notion of “birthing” subtly reflecting motherhood — the idea that through pain, sacrifice, and emotional labour, both children and personal transformation are brought forth.

For Palmer, a registered nurse, the emotional weight of that season into single motherhood was intensified by the lingering grief of losing her own mother, making Mother’s Day particularly painful.

“My emotions were all over the place. Mother’s Day has been difficult since my mommy’s passing, but it became doubly hard. I was angry, confused, and my heart kept racing,” she said.

Amid that emotional turmoil, Palmer retreated inward, relying on journalling and self-reflection to steady herself mentally and emotionally.

“I remember lying down, putting my phone on ‘Do Not Disturb,’ and just closing my eyes to let the tears fall,” she said. “In the evening, I pulled myself out of that funk, opened my gratitude app, and began journalling. I had to do an emotional ‘brain dump.’ I reminded myself that my son is healthy and that it will all work out in the end.”

Guilt, however, became one of the most difficult emotions to navigate.

“My guilt manifested as a feeling that I was disappointing my son. I took it really hard. I was already struggling with breastfeeding, and then this? I felt like I couldn’t get anything right.”

She said she eventually began working through those feelings by honestly assessing what environment would ultimately provide peace and stability for both herself and her child.

“I blamed myself for walking away and disrupting the only life he knew,” she said. “I began working through it by weighing the pros and cons. The ‘cons’ of staying were too much.”

Her nursing background also significantly shaped the way she approached healing. Drawing from the ADPIE nursing process — assessment, diagnosis, planning, implementation, and evaluation — Palmer said she applied the same framework to her mental-health journey, carefully evaluating her emotional state and intentionally mapping a path forward.

“It reminded me that I can’t stay stuck in a rut and that accountability is vital,” she explained. “It taught me that even when emotions and tensions are high, there are always solutions. I made a list of what I needed to do and how to do it. That started with therapy, and I just kept going. Slow progress is still better than no progress.”

Still, extending compassion to herself proved far more difficult than caring for others.

“That was the hardest part,” Palmer admitted. “I talked down to myself. I assumed I was being judged and told myself I wasn’t enough. I dismissed my own right to happiness, connection, and help. At one point, I even felt unworthy of being a mom.”

Over time, she said, she learnt that safeguarding her mental health was essential to becoming the mother her son deserved.

“I had to learn to be kind and patient with myself so I could be the mother my son deserves,” she said.

Palmer’s perspective on parenting is also deeply rooted in her own upbringing in a single-parent household. She described her mother as strong, nurturing, and intentional, particularly in preserving her relationship with her father despite the circumstances.

“I saw my mom being strong, calm, and caring. She never hindered my relationship with my father or spoke badly about him to me. I am so thankful for that, and it is a value I have embodied in my own parenting," Palmer said. 

Witnessing her mother pour endlessly into others taught her the importance of self-preservation.

“She gave us everything but was so tired. A lot of her dreams remained unrealised,” she said. “I try my best to do at least one intentional thing for myself each month. We truly cannot pour from an empty cup.”

Now, through her book, Palmer hopes women facing similar struggles will feel seen, encouraged, and less alone.

“I’ve met women from all backgrounds with the same struggles, just variations of the same story. This book serves as a reminder that they are not alone," the author said.

Her message this Mother’s Day, particularly for women navigating circumstances they never anticipated, is rooted in acceptance, healing, and grace.

“Let reality set in. The sooner you accept ‘what is’ rather than ‘what could have been,’ the sooner you can begin to heal,” she said.

“You are not alone. Please, don’t compare your current situation to anyone else’s. Focus on your relationship with God, yourself, and your loved ones, and simply do the best you can for your babies. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.”

Palmer’s book is available in both Kindle and paperback formats on Amazon. 

olivia.brown@gleanerjm.com