Fri | Sep 17, 2021

Dear Doc: I am worried about my prostate

Published:Monday | September 28, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q. Good day, doctor. I am extremely worried about my prostate gland, and what it might do to my sex life. I have been married three times, so I have been pretty active sexually. I have always enjoyed good health, but last week I agreed to go for a 'full' medical check-up.

In the course of it, the doctor surprised me by putting a finger up my bottom. I did not like this. And when it was over, he said to me: 'Your prostate is a little enlarged.'

This remark really scared me. I should have asked him what exactly he meant, but I just went home, feeling rather shaken. Does this 'enlarged prostate' thing mean that I have cancer?

A. No, not at all. I understand you are worrying about cancer, because among Jamaican men, the prostate is the most common site for malignant diseases. It is often claimed that Jamaica has the highest incidence of prostate cancer in the world. Most of us know somebody who has had it.

However, what you may not know, is that there are two types of enlargement of the prostate. They are:

• Cancerous enlargement;

• Benign enlargement - which is not cancerous.

Now, benign enlargement of the prostate is really common - in fact, far more than cancer.

You may be astonished by this, but most men will eventually get some enlargement of the prostate as they get older.

For instance, when I examine men 60 years or older, I would expect the most of them would have at least some increase in size of the prostate gland. It is almost an inevitable consequence of ageing.

It doesn't sound like the doctor who examined you was suggesting you have cancer. I think you should, however, check with him to ensure that what he was suggesting is that you have benign enlargement. But I really don't think you need to worry about your sex life.


He climaxes too early

Q. My husband reaches orgasm a little too soon for me, so I am often left lying there frustrated!

I talked to a counsellor, and she advised me to 'finish myself off' by rubbing my clitoris after my spouse has finished. I was a little shocked by this!

Is it good advice, doctor?

A. Pretty good. A lot of top sexologists do say the same thing to female patients who can't quite 'get there' after their partners climax. In these circumstances, there is nothing wrong with stimulating yourself to the point of orgasm.

However, it does concern me that your husband does not seem to be doing anything to help you 'discharge.' I suggest you talk to him about this.

Explain to him that you are getting frustrated because he orgasms so soon. Urge him to 'hold back' until it is certain you are going to climax. If necessary, he could get some treatment from his doctor to make him 'last' longer.

Also, tell him that you would like him to stimulate your clitoris, so that you can you reach your orgasm. Most men will do this provided they understand that is what their women's wish.


Should I take up the widow's offer?

Q. Doctor, this may seem strange to you, but I am a virgin at age 34. Because I am shy, I have never even tried to have sex with a woman.

Now, a widow in Westmoreland has kind of 'made me an offer'. It is clear that she wants me to come to bed with her. I must add that she is very attractive. But doctor, will she be able to tell that I am a virgin who knows nothing about sex? Could she tell by looking at my body?

A. There is no way anyone can look at a man's body and tell that he is a virgin.

However, this obliging widow may well notice from your behaviour in bed that you are not sure about what to do.

Perhaps it would be best if you told her beforehand that you have never had sex. She will then know what to expect from you. And it is quite likely that she will teach you how to make love to a woman. Many women who have reached a certain age are quite happy to instruct inexperienced men in this way.

Finally, please note that this attractive widow could still be fertile. Please take care that you do not get her pregnant! It would be a good idea to buy some condoms before you go and see her.


Why am I bleeding?

Q. Dear doctor, I am having a problem and I am not sure if it is serious or not. When my period came last month, it went on for 10 days.

Since then, I have been bleeding from time to time. And there are painful cramps in the lower part of my belly. What is the cause of what I am experiencing, doctor?

I am sexually active, and my boyfriend doesn't always use condoms. But we are going to from now on, because I don't want to get pregnant, and he wants the best for me.

A. Well, I am sure you are wise in deciding to use condoms. But there is a possibility that you are pregnant already. Or you may have become pregnant recently and then miscarried.

Sorry that I can't give you a diagnosis. But I am absolutely sure that you must see a doctor now. You need to have an internal examination, and also do a pregnancy test. Good luck.


Vibrator for large vagina

Q. Unfortunately, my wife now has a very large vagina, presumably because she has had five children, so sex is not as satisfying for us as it used to be.

Is it true that we could use a vibrator inside her, to make things kind of more 'snug'?

A. Yes, that is true. Providing your wife has agreed, you could purchase a real small vibrator via the Internet. This should only be about the size of a woman's lipstick.

Your wife can switch this on, and put inside herself shortly before you enter her. Her vagina will then be 'fuller' during intercourse, and both of you should have more satisfaction.

However, I do feel your wife should try to get to see a gynaecologist soon, who will examine and advise whether a 'tightening up' operation is necessary.


Should I tell him I cheated?

Q. I am 24 years old, and I got married at the age of 18. My husband was the one who took my virginity, and from our marriage we have obtained two lovely children.

I cheated once. It was a man who I went to college with. He and I are good friends. And one thing led to another, and we had sex in the moment. It felt good, but we didn't even finish, because I was nervous. Do you think I should tell my husband? And can I remain friends with this man?

A. Please do not tell your husband. It might destroy him. And I strongly advise you not to see this old friend again. If he is like most men, he will want more!