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Trevor E.S. Smith | Your Relationship Is Settled But ...

Published:Monday | July 10, 2017 | 12:00 AMTrevor E. S. Smith

Your relationship has navigated dangerous curves, hit bumps, and fallen into a few pot holes, but the wheels are in tact, and there is a commitment to ride out the journey together.

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with the relationship. You might have points of disagreements, but nothing that is potentially disastrous. Yet, if you think about it, the magic may be missing. Some of the gloss has been removed.




You have worked hard at your relationship and invested heavily in it. In the same way that your financial ventures should work for you, investment in your relationship should offer benefits.

The sense of security is priceless. Peace of mind is something to be treasured. But there is clearly more. Get more!

There might be valid reasons why you can't physically relive some of the 'good times', but thank God for equipping us with a memory.

Sharing precious memories - ideally supported by photos and videos - in the company of family and friends can flicker the flames. The next generation are always interested in getting titbits about your experiences. Recapture the art of storytelling while putting new energy into your relationship.




One great idea is to capture the storytelling events on video for posterity. Tablets or smartphones can do the trick, and you can upload them to Vimeo or even a private YouTube channel. Don't be put off by the technology. There is a family member or neighbour who will sort that out.

Your job is to get your partner to sit with you and share memories on camera.




With the blessings of stability and peace of mind come the challenges of complacency and monotony. Over the years you follow familiar patterns, and one day feels like the next. Genuine excitement and curiosity are lost for the most part.

Routine have a way of extinguishing the flame. If that continues long enough, they become the new normal and you might not even be consciously aware of dying embers.

One solution is to disrupt the routine and re-energise your relationship. Take turns at coming up with something engaging and different. This need not be expensive or require a lot of effort. The objective is to disrupt the routine and inject feelings of expectancy and intrigue.

This can even be done indoors, although a change of environment is a good idea.




The truth is, we are plain tired. We work hard and juggle many interests, and that saps our energy. We just want to claim any leftover moments to collapse into our personal space and recharge our batteries.

That is understandable. However, the question still stands, why would you work so hard on an investment and not seek to draw on it?

Why would you have this treasured asset and ignore what it has to offer?

In order to re-energise your relationship, you need to find ways to unwind and set aside periods for joint relaxation.




Reconnecting through the pursuit of shared interests is a powerful, multidimensional solution. You get to unwind, share quality time together, improve communication and have fun. This works wonders for your health and state of mind as added benefits.




Your flirting muscles might have grown weak due to lack of use. Put them back in action to re-energise your relationship.

Change the way you dress and carry yourself in the home. Ballroom attire is not required, but you might accept that some of what you currently wear does not present you in the best light to this individual with whom you are flirting.

Corny pickup lines are not out of place and might generate laughter (good for your health and your relationship).




If you want to re-energise your relationship with immediate results and make it last go to:

- Trevor E.S. Smith has published two relationship books. He is a director of the Success with People Academy - A SHRM-preferred provider and home of the SHRM-accredited 3-D team leader certification: Leading difficult, dominant and diverse personalities.

The Success with People Academy team are world-leading implementers of personal behavioural DNA analyses and 360 surveys on the revolutionary FinxS platform from extended DISC.