DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Is her husband secretly gay?

Q. Hello, Doc. I would like your advice on a most delicate matter which has to do with my husband. We are both in our mid-30s, and we got married last year.

I love him very much, and I am sure he loves me. We have a fantastic sex life, and I suspect that we make love more often than any couple I know. When we got married, I was aware that he had had a lot of girlfriends in the past. I did not mind this, especially as I had had a good deal of sexual experience myself. I was glad that he was not a novice in bed.

But a few weeks ago, I was tidying up some old papers of his, and I found some which related to his school days, which he spent in Canada. In the middle of all this paperwork were a couple of old photos. One was a picture of a handsome-looking boy, who seemed to be in his mid-teens. On the back was written 'To _____ (my husband's name), from Pierre, with love.'

Well, that was a big surprise, but the other photo was really shocking. It showed my husband and the same boy standing in some sort of school dormitory. Both of them were stark naked and smiling towards the camera. And each of them had a hand on the other's organ. Both had erections. I was so disgusted that when my husband came home, I showed him the photos and demanded to know what all this was about. But he just laughed and said: "That boy and I fooled around a little when we were at boarding school in Canada.'' He didn't want to discuss it any more.

So now I am left wondering if my husband is secretly a homosexual. Did he just marry me to cover up the fact that he is gay? This has been quite a shock for me, and I would be grateful for your help.

A. I am sure that this came as a nasty surprise for you. But I am going to ask you to look at some scientific facts.

Research in the United States of America and elsewhere has shown that many teenage boys sometimes 'fool around' sexually with each other, often as a joke. That is particularly likely when male teenagers are living together in boarding schools, and having little or no contact with girls. Indeed, the famous Dr Alfred Kinsey found that around a quarter of American males had had some sort of sexual activity with other boys during adolescence.

The important point to realise is that the great majority of these young guys grow up to become normal, heterosexual adults. I would guess this is the case with your husband. After all, he appears to have had a very active heterosexual life in the past. And ever since you have been married to him, the two of you seem to have enjoyed a lot of sex together. So I really don't think that it is at all likely that this guy is secretly gay.

However, I feel that you should ask him to give you his assurance that he no longer has an interest in engaging in any kind of man-to-man activity. And maybe it would be a good idea if for him to destroy those photos from his adolescent years.

Q I am male, aged 34 and, recently, I have had slight pain when passing urine. Could this be prostate trouble?

A. Very unlikely at age 34. Prostate enlargement doesn't usually start to happen until well past age 50. The usual cause of pain when passing urine is some kind of infection, sexual or otherwise. So please go and see a doctor right away, and take a specimen of urine with you.

Q. I'm 32. I keep experiencing bleeding halfway between my menses. This has been going on for more than six months. Can I treat it myself?

A Definitely not. If a woman keeps bleeding between her menses, that needs urgent investigation by a doctor. This is particularly important if you are over 30, because of the fairly high risk of cancer of the cervix. Have you had a Pap smear recently? If not, you must ask that doctor to do one right away!

Q. I have been feeling panicky recently and a doctor has told me that it is all due to "too little carbon dioxide in the blood". What does she mean?

A This doctor may well be right. People often get low feelings and panic attacks when there is not enough carbon dioxide in the blood. That happens because they have been breathing too fast. Humans often do that when they are frightened or fretting. Rapid breathing removes carbon dioxide from the body quickly.

Be guided by the doctor. My guess is that she will teach you to breathe slowly and deeply whenever time you are feeling low. Slow, deep respiration has a remarkably calming effect on the human body and mind.

Q I am a man of 52, and I have been widowed for 10 years. Now I have met a wonderful woman, who I love. But my question i.s: would returning to having sex (after all these years) be bad for my health?

A.Not at all. It will probably do you good. So please quit fretting. I wish you luck with your new relationship.

Q.I recently passed through the menopause. Simultaneously, my husband left me.  Now I am surprised to find that I feel extraordinarily sexy. In fact, I am looking around for a younger man! But in the meantime, would it do me any harm to masturbate?

A. No, there is no way that masturbation can harm anybody.

Q I am a Gleaner reader in Miami. A doctor here has suggested that I should have a contraceptive implant under my skin. But would it work?

A. Yes, these birth-control implants work very well. Women usually have the device inserted under the skin of the left arm, a little above the elbow. But some people should not use them, particularly those who have a tendency to clotting (thrombosis).

Q My wife and I have a discreet foursome arrangement with another married couple in Hanover. In other words, we change partners once a week. Am I right in thinking that this plan carries no risk at all of VD?

A Well, I certainly do not recommend these wife-swapping arrangements, which so often lead to trouble and divorce.

But you are correct in saying that there is no risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI), PROVIDED that none of you seeks sex elsewhere. If one of your foursome did have an 'outside' relationship, and so picked up chlamydia or some other STI, then all four of you would soon catch it.

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