Can a doc tell if a guy is a virgin?

Q Can a doctor tell whether a guy is a virgin or not? I am male, age 17, and it seems like I will have to be examined by a doctor soon because I have a lump in my groin, which is probably a hernia.

My mother thinks that I am a virgin, but in fact last month I briefly had sex with a girl in Portland. Will the doctor be able to detect this? And will he tell my mother?

A The first thing to say is that anybody who has a lump in the groin must get it checked out by a doctor as soon as possible. The lump which you describe may well be a hernia, which is the same thing as a rupture. But it could be due to other medical conditions. So you must keep that appointment with the doctor.

Turning to the question of virginity, there is absolutely no way in which the doctor could tell whether you have had sex. The only exception would be if he found that you had a sexually transmitted infection, since this would obviously indicate that you must have caught it from somebody.

Anyway, the doctor will respect your confidentiality. He will not tell your mother anything unless you give him permission to do so.

Q I am female, age 22, and I would like to get pregnant by my fiancé soon. But my big worry is this: Whenever we have sex, I notice a few minutes later that pretty well all of his spermatic fluid seems to run out of me.

Neither of us understands why this should be so. Does it mean that there is something wrong with me? And does it indicate that I can never get pregnant?

A That is one of the commonest questions in my postbag. A lot of young people just cannot understand why the guy's semen always flows out of the woman, soon after making love.

But I assure you: this is normal. When a male ejaculates his sex fluid into a female, her body does not somehow 'absorb' it. There is nowhere for most of the liquid to go, so it has to return to the exterior.

Admittedly, some of the guy's tiny sperms will manage to find their way up into the woman's womb, and then up towards her Fallopian tubes, where they will in effect be 'searching' for an egg to fertilise.

However, those sperms which climb up through the womb make up only a very minute portion of the man's ejaculate. Most of what he has deposited in the vagina will simply come right out again.

So you and your fiancé have nothing to fret about. I am sure that when the time arrives for you to 'try for a baby', you will be successful.

Q Is it true that I should 'blow up' a condom before using it, to check for holes? Thank you, doc.

A. Do not do this! It is quite unnecessary. Also, it puts a strain on the condom, and could actually cause a hole.

Good condoms are carefully tested before they leave the factory. They do not need inflating.

Q. My wife and I are both young, and I have been trying to get her pregnant from last year by having sex without a condom. But we have had no luck so far.

Could this be due to the fact that when she was in her final year at high school, she had an abortion?

A. I feel that the abortion would only be relevant if it caused a bad infection, which could have blocked her tubes. But there is no point in fretting about the past. What is necessary is to find out what the situation is now.

So I would strongly advise you to begin by getting yourself a sperm count test. This is a cheap procedure to do, and most doctors can arrange it for you. Many guys are unwilling to have it done. But in fact, it makes sense to get this, simple procedure out of the way before launching into expensive and potentially uncomfortable, tests on the female partner.

Nevertheless, your wife should have an internal check-up from a doctor, and she should also have preliminary tests to find out if she is ovulating - ie, producing an 'egg' (an ovum) each month. I wish you both success.

Q. Doctor, my boyfriend is trying to persuade me to go on the 'the mini-Pill'. But I do not really understand what it is. Would it affect my sex life?

And how is the mini-Pill different from the Pill?

A. The mini-Pill would not affect your sex life. I am not too clear as to why your boyfriend is so in favour of it. I wonder if he understands what it is?

Anyway, the mini-Pill is quite different from the ordinary Pill because it contains only one hormone instead of two.

That makes it a lot milder, and therefore less likely to cause any serious side effects. However, that also means that it is not quite as effective as the ordinary Pill.

Also, with the mini-Pill, you have very little 'margin for error'. So you must take one every single day, about the same time of day without any breaks at all. Therefore, if you are not too good at taking tablets on time, the mini-Pill may not be right for you.

Q. I am female, aged 14. Do you think that I am able to conceive at my young age?

There is a boy who is pressing me for sex, and he says that I am so young that I could not possibly have a baby.

A. Please pay him no mind. This guy is talking foolishness. It is highly likely that you are now fertile, especially if you are having menses.

To go ahead and have sex with this boy would be illegal under Jamaican law, and would expose you to various health risks, quite apart from the danger of pregnancy. I beg you not to agree.

Q. I am a young guy who has extreme difficulty in urinating when there are other people close to me. Why? I always have to go in a cubicle on my own.

A. This is real common in young men. It is called 'shy bladder syndrome', though it is not caused from a problem in the bladder. It is simply due to nervousness and shyness.

A simple trick used by therapists is to get the young guy to stop using cubicles, but to use a urinal located about 20 yards away from other men. The idea is that over the next few months, you gradually move closer to the other folks, so that eventually you can urinate without difficulty, even when you are standing next to someone.

Got any questions for Doc? Send feedback to him at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com.