Dealing with a jealous husband

Q: I am a successful 28-year-old woman. I got married to my biggest inspiration. I have spent the last year of my life with him and it was great. He definitely was what I hoped for in a husband and, without hesitation, I agreed to marry him before our second year together. I was deeply in love. I had found Mr Right. Many persons predicted I would never get married because they thought I was just too arrogant and fussy. He introduced himself to me at a seminar. We are 'the beautiful couple' in our social circles. Everyone we knew expressed their delight about our marriage as our relationship indicated we would have a lifetime of happiness.

We were doing well until recently when our first serious issue developed, and this has now left me in a state of great distress. We both get jealous at times, but promised to discuss how we are being affected once an issue arises. But my husband has been very jealous and there has been no desire for discussion by him; he only issues ridiculous orders. And these are orders which I simply refuse to fulfil! He demands to know the males I speak to at work and for how long. He searches my mobile phone and my e-mails to ascertain who I am communicating with. And as if that is not enough, he wants me to almost not communicate with one of the male executive members who I work closely with, and there is no way I can avoid contact with him. They apparently had a history together regarding women, but it really does not apply to me as I am his wife and I will always be faithful to him. He knows my job will be on the line if I let this affect my work. I am still shocked over his request. I know some of my ways are not pleasant, but I acknowledge them and I do attempt to amend them. I love him with all my heart and I always want to make him happy, but he is hurting me in this regard. How can I get him to not be so irrationally jealous?

A: It is apparent that you did not know your husband long enough and well enough. You were blinded by love. Apparently, he has issues and serious insecurities. He is over stepping boundaries by demanding to search your e-mails and mobile phone. He needs help!

TOUGH LOVE

You have to exercise tough love in the meantime and let him know that your job involves interacting with persons of the opposite sex and you will not compromise on the performance of your job. In addition, assure him that you love him and will be faithful to him and that he has nothing to worry about.

Jealousy is a normal part of a marriage. It is a desire for an exclusive relationship. It is a need for no stealing on the side. However, he needs to trust you. He has no reason to suspect you. In fact, he is trying to control you. He wants to enslave your mind and actions. His jealousy is getting the better of him.

You should offer to help him with his hatred of this executive. He needs to let go of his past hurts. If this intervention fails, then you need to insist on getting professional marriage counselling.

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