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Butt me no butts, says Mr Anus

Published:Tuesday | June 24, 2014 | 12:00 AM

THE EDITOR, Sir:

Back in high school a couple years ago as a science student, it was imperative that each of us knew the different bodily systems and the various organs associated with these systems.

It was somehow an engraved fact the lungs functioned as a part of the respiratory system, or the heart was the central organ of the circulatory system. When it came to the reproductive system, no doubt each student knew the participating organs by heart.

Now I'm realising that this wasn't as carved in stone as I once thought. We are very close to having an organ transfer in our modern day and age. Yes, my friends, the good old anus is tipped to join some dear friends on the list of main sexual organs.

Indeed, Sir Anus must be viewed as versatile and multitalented in order to be ranked among the legendary Penis and Vagina, who have been faithfully championing the cause for years. Dear old Anus must have evolved to possess an elastic, muscular canal with a soft, flexible lining that provides lubrication and sensation.

Changing jobs

Oh, yes, don't you dare go reminding Anus of his old job. And how dare you tell him that all he is good for is to be the opening through which the body passes solid waste (faeces)? After all, people can change jobs, cant they? So why can't organs? If Mr Anus has the ability to do the job, why not let him do the job? Vagina obviously needs help.

And does he have the ability? His promoters surely think so. And let us not be consumed with whether or not Sir Anus will help in reproduction. He plainly applied to be considered in a sexual role, not a reproductive one. And are those terms synonymous? Please, do tell.

So when you see Mr Anus anywhere, here in the land of rum, remember he is a promoted man.

He decoupled the original two and made a threesome. Who wants to be his biggest fan?

JUSTINE SALMON

sash_jusamoya@yahoo.com