Mon | Aug 8, 2022

The stress of breaking up

Published:Friday | August 28, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Breaking up at any time is not something that is easy to do or to deal with - whether the relationship is political, familial, contractual or any other kind.

I believe that we are in a season where there will be quite a few break-ups and break-offs! Some we can avoid, and some we cannot, but the key thing to remember when separation takes place is to close all doors gently.

I don't support or condone the slander, character defamation, violent fights and even killings when relationships end, whether the relationships are political or between spouses. Don't let it be that all along throughout the relationship, you didn't find faults until the relationship ended, and then is when you begin to tell the world how 'bad' the person was and proceed to throw stones at what you are leaving behind.

We find that even as persons may leave an organisation, business or church, those who leave proceed to curse, defame or slander the leaders and organisations they leave behind. Oftentimes, the fault does not lie with who is left behind, but with those who leave.

King David was always wary of those who would leave and speak negatively about the leaders they left behind; he never embraced them because he knew that it would not be long before their true colours were revealed and they would do the same to him in no time.


Domestic violence


Over the years, we have seen a number of murders taking place as a result of break-ups. We need to look into every relationship and see the foundation on which it started and see if it is God's will. How 'good' sex is or how deeply you may fall in love with a person is not what determines whether or not the relationship is what God wants for you. In counselling many over the years, there is a central theme that runs through many of these relationships - they say if they can't have the person, then no one else can have them, so they will either kill them or resort to witchcraft. Some say the thought of someone else having sex with their partner if the partner left them enrages them.

Before a person gets into a relationship, the first relationship they need to have is a relationship with God, who will ultimately direct them to make right choices. In understanding true love, you must first love God and then love yourself. Even Christians make the mistake of becoming unequally yoked by entering relationships they ought not to. Being unequally yoked is as if an ox and a donkey come together to plow a field (Deuteronomy 22: 10). These two animals cannot work together because their views, goals objectives and approach to dealing with the task are different. One may want to go to church or engage in living holy, while the other person does not want that, nor do they want their partner to engage in that, and they want to party all the time, or may be extremely possessive, or have more than one person (or a spouse) while trying to control the other person.

There are many third parties who desperately want to break off the relationships, especially after finding out that their partner is either married or has someone else, but because of the power and influence that the person they are with commands, they are fearful for their lives. In fact, sometimes when they go to the police station to report any abuse, they end up having to 'deal with' the police, too, in return for protection.


Weakened connections


Lack of communication is also a huge factor in break-ups. Sometimes, prosperity, academic elevation and upward mobility of any kind often causes change in a person's sphere of influence. Such a person may feel the need to elevate themselves socially. So old friends go and they embrace a different class of people. They don't remember where they are coming from, and the hardships they have been through with their spouse/partner. God allows us to go through hardships, to prepare us and to set a foundation for the blessings He has ahead for us, so that when the blessings do come, they will not destroy us.

Dealing with break-ups is not easy, but this is why it is important for each of us to have a strong relationship with God first and foremost. Then you need to have godly, objective people around you, so they can encourage you in the right direction, give you sound godly advice and will pray for strength or the grace to go through.

- Steve Lyston is a biblical economics consultant and author of several books, including 'End Time Finance' and 'The New Millionaire'.