Carolyn Cooper | Yu nuh fi put goat mouth pon yuself!

CHAKA-CHAKA SPELLING

Last Christmas, mi cook whole day. Same like every odder Christmas. Rice an peas, bake snapper, sweet potato salad, mix salad. An a nuh me one a cook. Mi cousin Robert a one big chef. Im cook mix vegetable – carrot an green bean an chocho. Dat a one recipe weh pass down from wi Aunty Monica. An im cook fi im owna style a broad bean stew. It sweet. An mi sister, Donnette, bake coconut bread an banana bread, an she mix sorrel. An in between, she a wrap present. She a artist an she good pon di wrapping. She all wrap fi her owna present. Mi tell her nuh fi look inna di bag dem weh mi gi her fi wrap. So di whole a wi a work.

Mi brother Kingsley an im wife Romae an dem pikni Cole come fi fambily dinner. Wen wi sit down fi eat, mi nuh know a wa fly up eena mi head. Mi decide mi mind same time mi a go pon strike. Mi mek big announcement. Mi no directly member wa mi seh. Suppen like: “Next year, I am not having no Christmas dinner. Is just too much work. We have to come up with another plan.” Everybody look pon mi like mi mad an dem dis gwaan eat dem dinner.

HEN MOUTH KILL HEN

If mi did know! Mi woulda never put goat mouth pon miself. COVID-19 mash up mi Christmas. Nobody nah come a mi yard fi dinner dis ya year. Mi sister deh a farin an she nah come a Jamaica. Dis a di second time eena bout 30 year she nah come fi Christmas. Last time, a chik-V. An she did go a Florida. Not dis ya year wid dem deh mad people. She live eena Maryland an fi dem governor a one Republican. But im no business wid di eedyat dem eena fi im party. Im put down fi im foot. Everybody eena Maryland ha fi wear mask outa road an eena every business place. Ongle lickle pikni, up to five year old, nuh ha fi wear mask.

Eena Maryland, govament a gi out free mask. An dem a test fi di virus left, right an centre. Last week, outa every 100 smaddy weh get test, a ongle 7.68 got di virus. Wi nah do no whole heap a COVID-19 test ya so. An wen wi do test, sometime a all 35 smaddy outa 100 got di virus. Not all di time, but still. So mi do understand wa mek mi sister a tan a her yard. An as fi mi fambily ya so, mi no tink it mek sense fi have nuh Christmas dinner an wi can’t sit down together an eat a one table. Wi woulda ha fi a scatter, scatter all bout di house. So hen mouth kill hen. Me one an God fi Christmas dinner. If mi sister coulda come an di whole a wi coulda enjoy Christmas dinner same like last year, mi woulda cook whole week!

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN

Laas Krismos, mi kuk uol die. Siem laik evri ada Krismos. Rais an piiz, biek snapa, swiit potieta salad, miks salad. An a no mii wan a kuk. Mi kozn Robert a wan big shef. Im kuk miks vegitebl – kyarat an griin biin an chuocho. Dat a wan resipii we paas dong fram wi Aanti Monica. An im kuk fi im uona stail a braad biin styuu. It swiit. An mi sista, Donnette, biek kuoknat bred an banaana bred, an shi miks saril. An in bitwiin, shi a rap present. Shi a aatis an shi gud pan di rapin. Shi aal rap fi ar uona present. Mi tel ar no fi luk ina di bag dem we mi gi ar fi rap. So di uol a wi work.

Mi breda Kingsley an im waif Romae an dem pikni Cole kom fi fambili dina. Wen wi sidong fi iit, mi no nuo a wa flai op iina mi ed. Mi disaid mi main siem taim mi a go pan schraik. Mi mek big anounsment. Mi no dairekli memba wa mi se. Sopn laik: “Next year, I am not having no Christmas dinner. Is just too much work. We have to come up with another plan.” Evribadi luk pon mi laik mi mad an dem dis gwaan iit dem dina.

HEN MOUT KIL HEN

If mi did nuo! Mi wuda neva put guot mout pan miself. COVID-19 mash op mi Krismos. Nobadi naa kom a mi yaad fi dina dis ya ier. Mi sista de a farin an shi naa kom a Jamieka. Dis a di sekan taim iina bout 30 ier shi naa kom fi Krismos. Laas time, a chik-V. An shi did go a Florida. Nat dis ya ier wid dem de mad piipl. Shi liv iina Maryland an fi dem govana a wan Ripoblikan. Bot im no bizniz wid di iidyat dem iina fi im paati. Im pudong fi im fut. Evribadi iina Maryland a fi wier maask outa ruod an iina evri bizniz plies. Ongl likl pikni, op tu faiv ier uol, no a fi wier maask.

Iina Maryland, govament a gi out frii maask. An dem a tes fi di vairos lef, rait an senta. Laas wiik, outa evri 100 smadi we get tes, a ongl 7.68 gat di vairos. Wi naa du no uol iip a COVID-19 tes ya so. An wen wi du tes, somtaim a aal 35 smadi outa 100 gat di vairos. Nat aal di taim, bot stil. So mi du andastan wa mek mi sista a tan a ar yaad. An az fi mi fambili ya so, mi no tingk it mek sens fi av no Krismos dina an wi kyaahn sidong tugeda an iit a wan tiebl. Wi wuda a fi a skata, skata aal bout di ous. So hen mout kil hen. Mii wan an Gad fi Krismos dina. If mi sista kuda kom an di uol a wi kuda enjai Krismos dina siem laik laas ier, mi wuda kuk uol wiik!

For an English translation of this article, visit http://carolynjoycooper.wordpress.com/

- Carolyn Cooper, PhD, is a specialist on culture and development. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and karokupa@gmail.com.