Gordon Robinson | Are you tarrified?

The most complicated domino hands are those with four of a card including the double.

The Dunce simply played the card as soon and often as possible. One Saturday afternoon, he drew six-blank; six-five; double-five; five-trey; five-deuce; four-deuce; trey-blank. Gene Autry posed double-six. The Dunce played six-five and kept playing fives until his double-five died. Dessie tried to explain that, if he was sitting “over” Autry, with the sole duty of passing the poser, that would be okay but, sitting below the poser, he should start with six-blank hoping someone else would play the first five after which he’d control the hand.

The Dunce ended his argument in inimitable sing-song style “If a macca mek it jook yu!” This prompted perennial spectator, Haemorrhoid, to intervene to cool tempers as Dessie reached for a domino to throw at the Dunce. He launched one of his infamous Shaggy Dog Tales. Remember, shaggy dog tales are long and winding roads ending with anti-climatic puns. Readers who remember BBC Radio’s 1960s classic “My Word” (lasted 20 years) know:

“One day, in ancient Egypt, Pharoah was visited by the Hittite Ambassador accompanied by his guards.

‘Pharoah, my master the King demands your unconditional surrender. Egypt will become part of the Hittite Empire. You’ll be a vassal. If you refuse our armies will slaughter your people and burn your cities!’

Pharoah was furious. ‘How dare you?’

The ambassador smirked. ‘Before you say anything rash, perhaps a demonstration of our might?’

One of his guards lifted a stone and crushed it to powder with his bare hands.

‘This is one of our weakest soldiers,’ the ambassador declared. ‘How’ll you fare against our strongest troops?’

Pharoah and his advisers were terrified and about to surrender when Pharoah’s youngest daughter, a beautiful maiden named Rose, stepped in.

‘That’s nothing!’ she declared, picking up a rock. To their astonishment she took a bite from it. Before the Ambassador’s stunned gaze she bit chunk after chunk, crunching it in her teeth and swallowing each until nothing was left.

‘I’m not a soldier. If I, a mere girl, can do this, think what our troops could do to yours!’

The Hittite ambassador hurriedly left and advised his master that they should not try to invade Egypt.

Pharoah’s court was very impressed at the Princess’s feat. In commemoration Pharoah ordered a large slab carved with the tale so it would always be remembered.

The slab can still be seen today; the story still repeated. If you visit the British Museum, tour guides will stand beside the slab and tell you how Rose ate a stone.”

Amid loud guffaws, Haemorrhoid clarified that you shouldn’t fire your best shot too early whether in dominoes or diplomacy. You usually end up shooting yourself in the foot.

USA’s new Tariffs are only unusual in their arbitrariness, exorbitance and exempt nations. Tariffs are how Governments protect local production and nudge import choices. So is Trump’s message “import only from Russia and North Korea”?

Whatever the garbled message, some countries will suffer huge trade deficits so are guaranteed to retaliate. American importers will be forced to cherry pick sources; pass on tariffs to American consumers; and raise the cost of exports. Other countries could seek alternative markets and shipping routes. World trade agreements will exclude America.

USA will become isolated. Even if the policy is revoked, world trust in USA may already be irreparably fractured.

It’s not as if there’s no historical caution to study. USA’s 1930 Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act imposed steep tariffs on industrial and agricultural goods inviting retaliatory measures that ultimately reduced output and caused global trade to contract. Previously imposed tariffs (1922) raised the average import tax to a record high 40 per cent but, despite European retaliation, USA weathered the storm.

But European farmers soon recovered from WWI, providing real competition for American farmers. In 1928 Herbert Hoover’s campaign promised higher tariffs on agricultural products. After he won Hoover imposed broader tariffs.

Smoot-Hawley raised the average tariff by another 20 per cent. Wall Street soon lost confidence and USA became isolated. It also prompted further foreign Governments’ retaliation. Overseas banks began failing. Two dozen countries soon adopted similar tariffs stifling an already struggling world economy and reducing global trade. From 1929-1932, USA imports from and exports to Europe as well as global trade fell by 67 per cent.

Smoot-Hawley tariffs deepened the Great Depression and probably encouraged political extremism to rise. They may have enabled leaders like Adolph Hitler to increase political strength. Putin’s turn?

Narrow-mindedness and bigotry are two of the most self-destructive characteristics. They destroy not only souls but nations and Empires. Don’t be tarrified by Trump’s tactics. Any temporary inconvenience will soon end while we watch from the front row as a China Rose rises from the Guizhou forest and eats an imploding American Empire.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney at law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com