Garth Rattray | A mother’s responsibility

A mother’s responsibility begins long before conception takes place, it begins during the late teens of a female’s life. Those are the years when characters are built, and reputations established. Young women must be aware that whatever they do with whomever is indelibly written into their history and has a way of resurfacing when it is least welcome.

No mother would want their children learning about their bad moral decisions when they were teenagers. No child wants to learn that their mother was a run around and an easy target for lustful young men. The only way to hold your head up high at all times is to never do anything that could create a bad reputation; it will come back to haunt you. Young girls do not realise how much young men share their sexual exploits with one another. Word sure gets around.

The flip side of a young woman’s reputation involves the type of suitor that she will attract. It is true that women with the least principles get the most interest; but that kind of interest should be unwanted. That kind of interest is solely for someone’s sexual pleasure. Girls and young women are often unceremoniously discarded after the novelty wears off or the soberness of responsibility surfaces.

Young women who want to be a mother to someone one day must refuse the enticement and company of riff-raff. They must avoid the jing-bang posse, the crebbeh-crebbeh crew, jaggabats, and the irresponsible cruffs. Casual relationships have the potential to blossom into long-term associations or deteriorate into carnal catastrophes. Don’t do anything that may require an explanation or an apology one day. Don’t do anything that could cause shame if it comes to light.

PROPERLY EDUCATE

Young women need to spend the time and effort to properly educate themselves academically or vocationally. As a mother, you should never end up in a position wherein your child or children will suffer if their father is unable to or decides not to support them. You must be capable of financial independence. You must ensure that your child or children cannot be used as pawns in any game of conquer and control that some men may choose to play. There are many men who will try to force women into sexual relations in exchange for supporting his child or children.

Part of the responsibility of motherhood is to prepare your body in such a way that you are fit to carry a child. Avoid tobacco products and illegal drugs. Always minimise caffeine, alcohol and junk food. Eat and drink as close to what is found in nature as possible. Exercise, rest, relax and encourage good and positive thoughts and actions. These habits are good for your overall health and excellent in the event of a pregnancy.

Although many children are unplanned, try your best to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Unplanned pregnancies may catch you by surprise because they were unexpected at a particular juncture. On the other hand, unwanted pregnancies are so disrupting, distressing or scary that some women will seek to terminate them. As the pugilists say, protect yourself at all times, and I’ll add … by whatever means possible. When an unwanted child is born, there is a high risk that the child will be mistreated, physically and mentally abused, or end up fending for his/herself or all of the above. Obviously, through no fault of their own, unwanted children are often so badly traumatised that they become a burden on and/or a danger to society.

Once pregnant, women must always be aware that they are carrying precious cargo. Attend all pre-natal and post-natal appointments. The developing child requires proper nutrition, mineral, and vitamin supplementation. Additionally, the mood of a pregnant woman can influence the health of her unborn child through hormonal and chemical changes. Therefore, pregnant women must also prioritise their mental well-being, adjust their life and seek help if needed.

MENTAL STRESS

Mental stress during pregnancy affects the unborn child in several negative ways; it disrupts [normal] brain development and increases the risk of mental health issues (behavioural problems, cognitive abilities, social development, moodiness, anxiety/depression) later in the life of the child. It increases the risk of pre-term birth, and low birth weight.

After delivery, an entirely new chapter in maternal responsibilities begins. The care and guardianship of a living soul has been entrusted to you. Maternal bonding is critical to the baby’s proper development. Once outside the secure, warm, nourishing, dark, and relatively quiet womb, babies are exposed to external temperatures, bright lights, noises, interference, and hunger. Breast feeding, cuddling, and changing nappies are always needed. They should not be left to cry themselves to sleep or in wet or soiled nappies.

Although [sometimes] well meaning, remember that aggression begets aggression, disrespect begets disrespect, and violence begets violence. Children live what they learn. Promote peace in your home. Use firm tones, stern and repetitive commands along with disapproving body language when disciplining children

Older children must be micromanaged. Their lifestyle and study habits, ‘screen time’, and the friends that they keep require constant vigilance. If ‘lost’, children are extremely difficult to retrieve.

Because of pride, acrimony and perhaps fatigue, some mothers choose to go it alone and either exclude or can’t be bothered to insist on paternal input/support for their child or children. Research has shown that criminality is highest when there is no male influence. It is a mother’s responsibility to do whatever it takes for the proper upbringing of her children.

Garth Rattray is a medical doctor with a family practice, and author of ‘The Long and Short of Thick and Thin’. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and garthrattray@gmail.com