Gordon Robinson | The essence of crowing

So Apocrypha’s political guru, Oma D’unn, has had a busy two weeks with Transport Minister Darelaw Vase the centre of attention.

Regular readers know Apocrypha, that fantasyland beyond the stars where all politicians are friends and Oma, a retired politician and former Finance Minister, solves political problems by parable. Last week, Darelaw consulted Oma about his energy portfolio. But, this week, Oma’s client wasn’t Darelaw. Instead he was consulted by Mickey Peeyaps – Darelaw’s opposing spokesperson on transport.

In the run up to an expected election Darelaw announced a new school bus system intended to improve students’ transportation to and from school. Mickey and fellow senior members of Opposition leadership rushed to criticize, condemn and ridicule while touting their school transport plan, which they hadn’t mentioned previously, as superior.

But their critique didn’t appear to be gaining any traction among prospective voters so Mickey asked Oma what he could do to improve the messaging. Oma told Mickey to buy a truck. Mickey didn’t follow so Oma told him the story of the dead crows:

“The Indiana Department Institute of Transportation (IDIOT) found over 450 dead crows on a highway during one week. There was concern they may have died from COVID-19.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem wasn’t COVID-19.

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis, it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds’ beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks. Only 2% were killed by cars.

IDIOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that, when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout ‘Cah’,’Cah’ not a single one could shout ‘Truck’!!!’

Mickey still didn’t understand so Oma explained that, if an Opposition had only one cry, which was to oppose regardless, its messages would die once subjects varied. He advised Mickey to pick his battles. Oppose when appropriate; stay quiet when opposition would be unproductive. If you’re too predictable either your audience stops listening or your messages don’t transmit. So, occasionally, change it up and outwit Government crows who won’t see you coming.

Transportation in general and school bus systems in particular are, by and large, fundamental to Jamaica’s development generally and, in particular, its human capital development. They’re essential to future leadership, progress and prosperity. It’s an indictment on Jamaica’s governance that, for 63 years, this wasn’t a national priority.

Although its timing is suspect, Government has finally started to implement a strategy for rescuing our students from the dangerous lottery games they currently play to get to and from school. Buses fit for purpose have been imported and dedicated to students in rural areas. The announced plan is to phase in more as they can’t all be afforded immediately.

Daryl Vaz is, in my opinion, despite extensive marketing campaigns surrounding others, the best performing and most hardworking member of this cabinet (mark you, it’s a low bar). Yet the political atmosphere is so chaotic, that his rural school bus announcement was met with scattershot criticism from PNP. Sounding in panic mode, it critiqued the buses’ age; cost; suitability for our roads; and just about everything they could think of or imagine about the buses except their intended use.

In a desperate sounding last lick attempt, PNP says that, if elected Government, it will subsidise taxi drivers to carry only students.

Really? Seriously?

The same taxi drivers who now terrorise all other road users as a matter of habit and cause countless traffic accidents and road fatalities? Jeez Louise, have some mercy on our children or at least some respect for our intelligence!

This won’t be Jamaica’s first attempt at a school bus system. It may well be the first to target rural Jamaican schools which makes it admirable. No doubt attention must be paid to implementation details like specialist drivers recruitment and training but none of those details include age or cost of buses. And the carelessly proposed alternative is nonsensical. Lest we forget Jamaica’s transportation crisis has endured for 40 years. Readers should look back at my column, Random Ride to Destiny, published December 29, 2013. This is NOT a today issue.

Reflexively opposing every government programme is foolhardy. By all means characterise ill-timed announcements as vote buying but don’t badmouth needed, meritorious plans.

Sometimes it’s better to keep quiet and let people think you’re stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com