Gordon Robinson | If only there was an easier way

One lazy Saturday afternoon, the Beast was stuck playing with the Dunce.

The Beast has always been a mild mannered, easy to get along with kinda guy but the Dunce tested his patience by repeatedly cutting his partner’s card despite having options.

“How was I to know you have deuce?’ The Beast asked when the Dunce’s last card turned out to be double-deuce despite having cut the Beast’s trey while facing deuce at the other end. The Dunce’s riposte was predictably pointed:

“If a macca mek it jook yu!”

That’s when Haemorrhoid stopped complaining about “piles and piles” of files on his desk and stepped in with one of his infamous shaggy dog tales. Buckle up because Haemorrhoid’s tales are so long and winding listeners can get lost along the way. This one is an old Irish joke so to be read with an Irish accent. Some very Irish expletives have been deleted since this is a family paper. Think double “o” every time.

Shane and Paddy went out and each bought a pig. Back home, Shane turned to Paddy: “Paddy, me ol’ mate, how are we going to tell who owns which pig?”

Paddy: “Well, Shane, I’ll cut one of the ears off my Pig and t’en we can tell them apart.”

“Ah, dat id be grand” says Shane.

This worked fine until a couple weeks later when Shane stormed into the

house. “Paddy” he said, “Your pig has chewed the ear off my pig. Now we got two pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell them apart?”

“Well Shane” says Paddy “I’ll cut ta other ear off my pig. T’en we’ll ’ave two pigs and only one of dem will avan ear”.

“Ah t’at’d be grand” says Shane.

Again, this worked fine until a couple weeks later, when Shane again

stormed into the house. “Paddy” he said, “Your pig has chewed the

other ear offa my pig! Now, we got two pigs with no ears!! How we gonna tell who owns which pig?”

“Ah, dis is serious, Shane” said Paddy. “I’ll tell ya what I’ll do. I’ll cut de tail offa my pig. Den we’ll av two pigs with no ears and only one wit’ a tail”

“Ah t’at’d be grand” says Shane.

Another couple weeks went by and..........you guessed it, Shane stormed

into the house once more. “PADDY” shouted Shane, “YOUR ***KIN’ PIG HAS CHEWED THE ***KIN’ TAIL OFFA MY ***KIN’ PIG. Now we got two ***kin’ pigs with no ***kin’ ears and no ***kin’ tails!! How de ***k are we gonna ***kin’ tell ’em apart??”

Ah, ***k it” says Paddy, “how’s about you have the black one and I’ll have the white one?”

It took a while for Haemorrhoid to get up from the floor where he was rolling around laughing. Then he told the Dunce there was always an easier way.

I remembered Haemorrhoid’s tall tale last Wednesday as I heard the complaints of slow voting caused mainly by systemic inefficiencies. I was particularly concerned that persons felt forced to leave after standing in line for hours because their statutory allowance of three hours away from work was expiring.

There must be an easier way.

Any Constitutional Reform process should, along with prescribing fixed election dates, permit mail-in voting and make Election Day a Public Holiday. Right now we have administrative chaos created by a rule that employees must be given three hours to vote. ALL citizens must have the day to decide whether or not they want to vote. And, yes, before nitpickers start on me, this would include workers not on the voters’ list.

Rules that isolate groups create corruption and are expensive to enforce. An additional public holiday once every five years can’t hurt any otherwise viable business and it just might encourage more voter participation including increased enumeration. A Thirty-nine percent turnout is a bright red flag signalling we need to make voting easier. The right to vote shouldn’t be accompanied by obstacles to exercising that right. The burden of making voting easier and more comfortable rests on Government not voters. It’s irrational to attack persons for not voting when voting is so difficult.

Also, after 63 years of Independence, while building a twenty-billion-dollar-and-counting hospital, surely we can also build separate voting facilities for the elderly and disabled so they can be given priority rather than asked to stand in the sun for hours?

Anyhooo, apart from the gimme-sump’n-to-vote-for message sent by 60 plus per cent of the electorate who didn’t vote, those who did vote sent two loud messages:

1. There must be an easier way to vote;

2. If you want to lose something give it to Patricia Duncan-Sutherland or Joan Gordon-Webley to hold.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com