Kristen Gyles | Prince charming and the damsel in financial distress

Recently, I had a conversation with a colleague that forced me to rethink the way I view gender roles especially within the context of a rapidly changing society. He asked me, “If you were married to a man who earns less than you, would you have a problem sending him on a vacation trip?”

Immediately I was repulsed. To my mind, only a ‘wutliss’ man expects his wife to use her money to book him a vacation trip. Why should he need to ask his wife for money to go out? Is she his mommy?

My immediate response was “Mi nah mind no man!” Lol...

Anyway, as the conversation evolved, I realized that although I had negative feelings towards the concept of a woman taking care of a man financially, I had no such negative feelings about a man taking care of a woman financially. While I am not personally inclined towards depending on a man for his money, the idea of Prince Charming swooping in to save the day for a damsel in financial distress evokes no negative emotions in me. In fact, it evokes positive ones. But why do I, like most Jamaicans, think and feel this way?

After all, it really isn’t reasonable to expect that in 2025 when both men and women work, and have access to the same educational opportunities, that a man will necessarily have a greater capacity to support a family than his wife. I mean, to be fair, Jamaican women are estimated to earn only 62 cents for every dollar her male counterpart earns, but, at the same time, Jamaica is estimated to have one of the highest percentages of female middle managers. So, if the economic reality for men and women are so similar, on average, why is there an expectation that men will be the primary providers?

OUTPACED EVOLUTION

My guess? Changes in our economic reality have outpaced the evolution of tradition and culture.

Many women in today’s Jamaica suffer from ‘Superwoman Syndrome’. Women disproportionately take care of domestic and household chores and responsibilities with sometimes very little help from their husbands, many of whom were not socialised to wash or iron their own clothes, to cook their own food or to engage in cleaning activities like mopping and dusting.

While running the house, many Jamaican women also work outside the home. They get up between 4:30 and 6 am, get the kids ready where necessary and go to work just like their husbands, only to come home to pick up their second work shift of cooking, helping kids with homework, etc.

A woman in this situation is likely to be very resentful about the financial contribution she is forced to make to the home. Although she has a job and makes an income just like her husband, she may feel that since she fulfils a very traditional role in the home, her husband should play his traditional ‘role’ and take care of the finances. After all, traditional men provide, don’t they?

Many men, of course, will not see it that way. The younger generation of men and women are now debating over whose responsibility it is to pay the bill on the first date and whether couples should split monthly expenses 50/50. Concerns that were of absolutely no moment in times gone by are now critical deal-breakers in relationships. What has caused the shift?

Some will say that it is globalisation and western culture. Some will say it is feminism. Others will say it is the devil. I say it is simply an evolving economy. In this economy, the average man just can’t do it alone. For a man to fully absorb the expenses associated with a three- or four-person household, he would need to be in the top echelon of income earners. He would need to have a good job in a high-ranking leadership position in a reputable, well-paying organisation. Otherwise, he would need to either depend on his wife’s financial contribution or watch his family get well acquainted with ‘white squall’.

PICK UP THE SLACK

Both men and women know that where men cannot shoulder the financial strain all on their own, the women have no choice but to pick up the slack. This is the current reality that has forced many women out of the home and into the workforce – and this current reality started a while back. It was largely during World Wars I and II when men were forced to go out and kill each other in combat, that the women left behind had to fill the demand for labour in factories, farms, naval bases and other not-so-cosy environments. This may have been the genesis of the gradual normalisation of female industrial labour, across most of the world.

Since that time, women have been juggling home life and work life – so much so that burnout amongst working mothers has become the norm. This can only change if we reimagine these traditional roles that dictate that women must take responsibility for all domestic work. Because, as we established, many women are forced to get a job and help financially.

What is also true is that the home is a neglected place, and that while both parents are out making bread, sometimes home life suffers. Social stability at home shouldn’t be neglected in the pursuit of financial stability. Balance is always key.

But the question that lingers is: Now that life has evolved to a point where women are expected to work outside the home, do our expectations for men to be ‘providers’ need shifting?

Kristen Gyles is a free-thinking public affairs opinionator. Send feedback to kristengyles@gmail.com and columns@gleanerjm.com