Gordon Robinson | Dunceness is as dunceness does!

On Sunday, March 8 ( Mission Accomplished?) I essayed an analysis of the reasons for the sudden USA/Israel invasion of Iran.

After a detailed review of available evidence, including public statements from President Trump and Secretary of State Marco Rubio, I concluded that announced goals were not genuine. I wrote:

“…not even a Dingbat could’ve believed ‘regime change’ was likely. So what’s he up to? For what primary objective has he sent American soldiers to die and destabilised world economies?

It’s NOT nuclear capability destruction. It’s NOT regime change!”

I was taken to task by MAGA sympathisers who reprimanded me for maligning the one and only true President by questioning his actions or motives. How could I?

So I was pleasantly surprised when, on March 10, Chris Murphy, a U.S. Senator (Democrat) from Connecticut, posted the following on Twitter:

“I was in a 2 hour briefing today on the Iran War. All the briefings are closed, because Trump can’t defend this war in public. I obviously can’t disclose classified info, but you deserve to know how incoherent and incomplete these war plans are. Here’s what I can share:

“Maybe the lead is that the war goals DO NOT involve destroying Iran’s nuclear weapons program. This is, uh...surprising...since Trump says over and over this is a key goal. But then of course we already know air strikes can’t wipe out their nuclear material.”

Precisely! Drone and ballistic missile strikes can damage above ground infrastructure but nuclear material isn’t made of concrete and its storage spaces, normally underground, aren’t usually accessible by air. Senator Murphy continued:

“Second, they confirmed ‘regime change’ is also NOT on the list. So, they are going to spend hundreds of billions of your taxpayer dollars, get a whole bunch of Americans killed, and a hard line regime - probably a MORE anti-American hard line regime - will still be in charge.”

Cawn’t sey mi neva dida warn yu! This is how I put it on March 8:

“Donut has sacrificed American soldiers’ lives to create a new more hardened Iranian leadership terminally furious with him and Benny the Bully. This time it’s personal!”

I asked “what’s he up to?” Two days later, Senator Chris Murphy asked the same question:

“Ok, so what ARE the goals? It seems, primarily, destroying lots of missiles and boats and drone factories. But the question that stumped them: what happens when you stop bombing and they restart production? They hinted at more bombing. Which is, of course, endless war.”

Here’s President Dumdum’s recipe for sidetrack stew: It also works to make put-off porridge. Start with a spoonful of Caribbean/Pacific boat bombings. When attention wanes, add a dollop of Venezuelan invasion; kidnap its President. Wait nine days (no wonder?) then deplete your military stockpiles with strikes in Iran. Stir the pot continuously until media stops saying “Epstein” and voters stop asking for mid-term elections.

So what about the obviously unexpected economic fallout? Senator Murphy closed his tweet thusly:

“And on the Strait of Hormuz, they had NO PLAN. I can’t go into more detail about how Iran gums up the Strait, but suffice it say, right now, they don’t know how to get it safely back open. Which is unforgiveable because this part of the disaster was 100% foreseeable.”

When a genuine Duncebat tries to play wise to catch fools, it’s not at all funny. But I couldn’t help remembering Haemorrhoid telling a humourous apocryphal story about the aftermath of World War II to prove the moral “Dunceness is as Dunceness Does”. So I’ve revised (and edited) his shaggy dog tale to make the cast of characters more current. Haemorrhoid’s leading characters were Stalin, Churchill and Truman.

“Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...”

Trust me Haemorrhoid’s repeated excursions around the Mulberry Bush between the shooting and the deaths required severe editing.

“At the Pearly Gates, they’re greeted by Saint Peter: ‘You have died. As you’re politicians, surely you’ve sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can enter Heaven and experience eternal happiness.’

“As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challenge so she goes first. She notices the swamp barely reaches her ankles and thinks ‚well, that‘s what you get for lying. At least, I did it for a better Europe.

“Curious about how the others are doing, she looks behind her and sees Putin covered in mud up to his knees. Furiously, she shouts: ‘This is impossible! Your reign was a dictatorship. You influenced world politics and economics to your benefit and you’ve achieved all that only by telling lies. How is it possible you‘re only knee-deep in this swamp?’

“Calmly, Putin answers: ‘Hush! I’m standing on top of Donald and he hasn’t noticed yet.’”

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com