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Kelly's World | Mi don’t know nothing

Published:Monday | March 18, 2019 | 12:00 AM

“Only a fool knows everything. A wise man knows how little he knows.”

– Unknown


We have all come across a know-it-all or two at some point in our lives.

There are just some people who swear that they have all the facts on whatever topic.

For example, you have the sporting know-it-alls. Those are the ones who can tell the best strategy to be used by any team or player in any sport ever created.

It could be something like bocce or curling, they know what should have been to achieve the best result.

Then you have the history know-it-alls, who can tell you from whence the Moors and Vikings came and why a certain language is spoken in some parts of a country.

Then, of course, there are the ultra know-it-alls, who know everything about everything.

Ever heard one of them tell you why Jamaica is always in debt, or why it’s better if we go to a socialist type of economy and/or government?

If they simply said “I think” or “I believe” before spewing ‘facts’, then things wouldn’t be so bad.

But somehow, they always give you definitive statistics, like dates and dollar amounts, that even the Bank of Jamaica governor or finance minister would find hard to recall off the top of their heads.

What I always find amusing, is that the know-it-alls, when they are boxed into a corner by someone who actually knows about the topic at hand, they always have the same reaction.


They tell everybody else to “read up pon it”.

I’ve always wondered why we, the mere mortals listening to you, the Grand Poobah of all things trivia, must be the ones to do the reading.

Surely, all we need to do is wait for you to consult your expansive memory banks to come up with the right answer.

At times, it can be amusing, especially when more than a few people realise that the know-it-all is speaking so much rubbish that the NSWMA might want to send a clean-up crew.

From time to time, I’m asked for a fact or two on a particular topic.

Unless it’s something I am 100 per cent sure about, I always say, “to the best of my knowledge”.

Part of that is being practical (because nobody knows everything). But a big part of it is, I bruise easily, ego-wise.

I HATE being wrong. Mistakes? Ugh! If I tore out a single hair every time I got annoyed for not getting something exactly right, I’d pretty much have gone bald by age 25.

Plus, I don’t like getting blamed for stuff. If you want to ruin my day (heck, even my month), let me hear someone say they got something wrong because ‘a Daviot gi me wrong message’.

I’m not ashamed to say I don’t know. And, by the way, don’t tell me, “but you went to university”. That counts for zero!

I know people who didn’t finish high school who know more about US and Jamaican politics than any academic.

So if you want a know-it-all, don’t come looking for me. I don’t know one ting.

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