Tue | Dec 6, 2022

Suffering from a broken heart

Published:Tuesday | November 24, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q: Doctor, my heart is broken. I feel that I have been sexually betrayed by a guy, and I just don't know why he did it.

I am in my mid-30s, and most people consider me to be real attractive. I have always enjoyed sex.

For 10 years, I had a very happy relationship with a marvellous man. But earlier this year, he was hit down by a car and died instantly. It was the worst time of my life.

I spent many weeks in weeping and

sobbing. My friends were very good to me, and helped me to cope. Eventually, they persuaded me to go out and about again, and even to do some charitable work.

In fact, two months ago, it was at a charity function that I met a real sympathetic man, my age. He was nice-looking and it seemed like he was warm and caring. We met on

several occasions, and he encouraged me to talk about my low feelings. I found it a great relief to tell him things.

Well, Doctor, a month ago, we went out on what I suppose you could call my first date since my partner passed on. We had a pleasant meal and a couple of drinks, and then he escorted me home. I was a little surprised when he started kissing and

cuddling me. But of course, it was a warm and reassuring feeling.

Doctor, I do not know how this happened, but somehow, we ended up in my bed. And I let him go all the way with me. Much to my surprise, he even made me orgasm.

Next morning when I woke up, he had gone. There was a note saying, 'Thank you for a great evening.' But that was it. And I realised with a shock that I did not even know how to contact him.

Amazingly, since then, I have heard nothing from him at all. He has made no attempt to call me or text me. I tried asking my friends about him, but none of them seemed to know where he lives, or to have his phone number.

One woman actually laughed when I mentioned his name! And when I asked her why she did that, she just kind of shrugged her shoulders and said, "He's the kind of guy that a gal can't pin down ... ."

A week ago, I saw him on the other side of the supermarket. I was so happy! I waved to him across the floor, but he just looked embarrassed, then half-heartedly waved back and turned away from me. It was then I saw that he had two little children with him, hanging on to his trolley of groceries.

A few minutes later, I passed through the check-out and saw him outside. He was getting into a big car, along with an elegant woman, and the two children. She was wearing a

wedding ring. And he kissed her.

Doctor, I just do not understand what is going on here! I guess he is probably married to this woman and has two children. So when I first met him, why was he so nice and kind to me? And why did he have sex with me that night? And why didn't he want to acknowledge me in the supermarket?

I suppose it's all over, is it?

A: I am afraid that it most certainly is.

Your story is a vivid illustration of a particular type of male psychology. You see, the sad fact is that there are quite a few men who really want to seduce as many women as possible. That is their big objective in life.

In order to get a female into bed, they will show much concern for her problems and be real kind and sympathetic to her.

Guys like that are usually well aware that if a woman is in trouble, or has been badly hurt by some event (like a bereavement, or perhaps being dumped), she is likely to be vulnerable. In other words, she will be easy to seduce.

But once these men have achieved their objective (that is, having intercourse), they tend to lose interest in her, quite rapidly, too.

So, this is a tough lesson you have learnt. And what should you do now? Here is my advice:

• Stay away from guys for at least a year;

• Get support from your female friends;

• Try and find a good counsellor to talk with;

- If you are depressed, see your doctor for some treatment.

Above all, please forget about this seducer. I wish you well, and I am sure that you will find a happy life eventually.

Q: Doc, I am a married guy, aged 32. Last month, I went on a sports tour to Europe. While I was there, I bedded a pretty girl.

But now I have a thin, white liquid which keeps emerging from the end of my penis. It stains my clothes. What could this be?

A: You have probably caught chlamydia from the pretty woman in Europe. Another possibility is gonorrhoea. Or you might even have both.

Please get to a doctor or clinic right away, to have tests and treatment. And if you have had sex with your wife since you got back home, I am afraid that she will need to see a doctor, too.

Q: I am a 31-year-old female, and I am sure that there is something wrong with my sex organ, Doctor. When I look in the mirror, everything looks 'ragged.' And it is not very symmetrical.

What can I do? I went to a woman doctor, but after examining my private parts, she laughed and said that there was nothing at all wrong with me. For some reason, she stated that I had been watching too many porn movies. But in fact, I hardly ever watch them.

What can I do?

A: The female doctor must have seen a great many vulvas and vaginas, so it is highly likely that she is correct in her assessment of your genitals.

But why don't you go a have a check-up from another doctor, and see if you get the same opinion?

To be blunt, recent research has shown that a lot of ladies have been totally misled by seeing the actresses in 'blue movies' who nearly always have ridiculously neat and symmetrical vulvas, often thanks to plastic surgery.

I strongly suggest you look up a helpful site called 'Are My Labia Normal?' It will give you an excellent idea of what really constitutes normality.

Q: I'm a 28-year-old male virgin. I am determined to lose my virginity before the end of 2015!

So, Doc, do you think that the best thing to do would be to go with a prostitute?

A: No, I do not. Sex with a prostitute is often a hurried business. There is no emotional involvement, and the lady of the night is not going to have time to help you in any way, or to explain matters to you. Also, there is the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

You would be wiser to try to establish a good, friendly relationship with some pleasant woman who you really like and see what transpires. Please be sure to use a condom!

deardoc@gleanerjm.com or lifestyle@gleanerjm.com