'Sex is not satisfying'
Q Hello, Doc. I am a female college student, aged 18. My problem is that I just don't find sex satisfying.
For instance, last Saturday night, I let two guys have intercourse with me, one after the other. I suppose many girls would think that to be exciting, but honestly, Doc, I did not feel anything. There was no pleasure in having sex with either of these boys, and I did not orgasm. In fact, I only 'come' when I masturbate. I have never achieved it with a guy.
What is wrong with me?
A: Look, can I begin by warning you that this kind of 'two guys in an evening' sex is dangerous. Please think about the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STI). Indeed, I would like you to get yourself some tests for STIs - particularly chlamydia, which is so common these days.
Now, is there something wrong with you? Not in a physical sense! Also, I see no evidence that there is anything wrong with your sexual 'equipment'.
OK, so you didn't reach an orgasm with either of these guys. Many women would have found it rather difficult to climax in those rather odd circumstances, with two young men 'taking their pleasure' - doubtless as quickly as possible, and with no thought of giving you any erotic stimulation.
By the way, I feel you are wrong in saying that many girls would have found this experience exciting. In fact, many young women would find the entire notion to be rather unpleasant.
So what is going on here? Well, my view is that you are badly lacking in self-esteem. Again and again, younger females who don't 'rate' themselves too highly decide to try and get affirmation by giving their bodies to men.
Their idea is that if a guy wants to have intercourse with them, then that must mean that they are worthwhile in some way. What often happens is that they continue to have sex with male after male - hoping that some guy will say: 'Gee! You really are the most wonderful girl in the world'. In practice, that hardly ever happens.
It is absolutely typical of these poor young women that every time they do not climax. This leads them to feel even more strongly that they are 'failures'. Yet, they continue to have sex with man after man - sometimes even two men at once - hoping that matters will improve. They rarely do.
OK, where do we go from here? First, I suggest that you make yourself a promise - a promise not to have sex with anyone for the next year! Yes, that's right, a year. If you want to continue masturbating, that will do you no harm, and it may help to reassure you that you are perfectly capable of orgasming, given the right stimulation.
Second, I would like you to study one of the many websites that are designed to help young women improve their self-esteem. I would particularly recommend this American one: www.self-esteem-nase.org.
Third, please try to find a helpful and sympathetic youth counsellor who can help you to boost your opinion of yourself. She can teach you that you are a valid and worthwhile person and that you don't have to prove it by going in for exotic sexual escapades. I wish you well.
Q Hi, Doc. I'm a guy of 17, and I am worried that my foreskin seems to be kind of 'stuck' to the ridge at the head of my male organ.
Recently, I have noticed that when I get an erection, a little bit of the skin seems to 'come away' from the head of the penis. Am I falling apart, or what?
A: No, you are not falling apart. You are OK.
You see, in a lot of young guys, a part of the foreskin is still stuck to the head (or 'glans') of the organ, being held there by little bands of tissue called adhesions. These generally start breaking when the male starts being sexually active, especially if he gets a lot of erections. The result is that the foreskin eventually becomes completely detached from the glans. Incidentally, it will then be able to roll back further.
That is what I forecast will happen to you. Within a couple of months, your foreskin should be completely free from the glans and your worries will be over.
If by any chance this does not happen, write to me again, or let your local doctor take a look at you.
Q I would like to know about the risks of the Pill. My mother wants me to start taking it because she knows that I have regular sex with my boyfriend, but I have heard from other girls that the Pill can be dangerous for a young woman's heart!
A: Well, it is not very dangerous for young women. Occasionally, serious side effects occur - notably thrombosis, which is clotting. Clotting can be the cause of a heart attack, or sometimes of a stroke.
Such tragedies are, however, very rare. I am glad to say that I have not seen such a terrible occurrence in the course of my medical career. Clotting is much more common in older women than in younger ones. It is also more common in those who smoke, so if you do go on the Pill, please don't smoke!
Q I gave a girl oral sex in Negril last week. Now I have a sore throat.
Could those two incidents be connected, Doc?
A: Well, oral sex can pass on sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in the same way as regular sex can, but you may just have an 'ordinary' sore throat rather than one caused from sex.
Nevertheless, I think it would be a wise precaution to go to a doctor. She can test you for chlamydia and, perhaps, gonorrhoea.
Q I am still a virgin at age 19, but, last week, for some crazy reason, I allowed my boyfriend to have brief rectal sex with me. I did not enjoy it, Doc!
Afterwards, a sudden thought struck me. Because he climaxed, is there any risk that he could have got me pregnant?
A: I am not surprised that you didn't enjoy the rectal (anal) sex. Most girls do not like it, and it is generally painful.
Nevertheless, this type of sex is most unlikely to lead to pregnancy. Technically, it is just possible that the guy's semen could spread across the skin in front of the anus, and so reach his partner's vagina, but I would be astounded if that has happened.
Q I have heavy menses, which make my life miserable.My doctor wants to give me some kind of medicated coil called Jaydess.
Would that help?
A: Probably. Jaydess is a sort of intrauterine device which contains a hormone. The effect of this hormone is to lessen the volume of menstrual blood loss and sometimes to make the periods a little shorter. The effect, however, may not be immediate and the first few menses after insertion can still be quite heavy.
Jaydess is very much like the long-established Mirena coil, but it is a little smaller and slimmer, which is what is believed to make the insertion of it less painful for the young woman.
- Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.